Familiaris Consortio

Squatter’s Rights and LGBT Movements: How We Allowed Adverse Possession and What We Can do About it

When it comes to our relationship with the LGBT community, our efforts to refrain from making waves and avoid being labeled bigots have wrought (or at the very least contributed to) unimaginable cultural losses that may effect the world for generations to come.

Americans are livid. The Obama administration has taken the transgender bathroom issue by storm, issuing a
directive via the Departments of Justice and Education to all public school districts across the country, warning officials that transgender students should be allowed to use the restroom or locker room of the gender with which they identify, as opposed to their “sex assigned at birth” (their language, not mine) – or risk having the federal government withhold school funding. And by the way, making separate facilities available doesn’t count.

This is what happens, ladies and gentlemen, when we fail to stand up and declare the truth. When we sit back in fear of confrontation and refuse to speak the truth in love, we risk being violently overtaken in the public square.

In the world of pubic opinion, the faithful have completely lost the argument. But worse, when it counted, few of us showed up. Do you know what we have done? We have allowed something that in the real estate business is called adverse possession, otherwise known by the somewhat crass if visually descriptive term, squatter’s rights.

Let me explain. Say your neighbor lets you know he’s going to build a six foot fence around his property. In an act of good will, you give him your blessing and compliment his choice of building materials. A few days after he begins building, you notice that he has crossed the property line by a few feet. You know this because when you moved in several years ago, the lots were staked out, and you measured ten feet from the lot line so you could plant your garden. It’s not terrible, but you measure, and sure enough, your garden fence is only seven feet from your neighbor’s new construct. You’re in a tough spot. You don’t want to cause any friction or offend your neighbor, who has already begun building. In the end, rather than risk stirring up bad feelings, you let it go.

The problem is that you have not simply allowed your neighbor to build on your property. Five years later, when he moves, he will lay claim to that additional three feet. He will be hard pressed to believe he stepped out of bounds at that point, and the courts will agree. Unbeknownst to you, by your silence, you have ceded part of your property to your neighbor.

As Christians, we tend to be compassionate (contrary to the image we’ve been given in recent years). We know we are called to love. So rather than risk offending anyone, we let things go. After all, the entire LGBT community was comprised of a mere 2-3% of the population. There was a time when many of us didn’t even know someone who was gay or transgender, so we stayed out of the conversation. And if we did know someone, we knew they were good people and meant no harm to anyone – so we stayed silent.

In fact, if we did speak up, many of us (correctly) supported individuals who were mistreated in the name of sexual orientation, advocating love of neighbor as one of the greatest commandments. We thought, correctly, all human beings are deserving of respect (CCC 1700). But we held our tongues regarding the teaching of the Church on human sexuality. After all, we thought, who am I to tell others how to live? What they do in their own homes is between them and God.

And that’s where we went wrong.

The fact is, average Americans have never wanted to address the moral argument. Because – hey – that would be judging. But by keeping the argument on purely legal terms – definition of marriage, a child’s right to two parents, and now, discomfort in the restroom – we have subtlety communicated that we didn’t believe the lifestyles of the LGBT community were immoral; we just didn’t want them to affect our way of life. (Because, after all, everyone knows the “greatest” commandment has become, “thou shalt not impose your morality on your neighbor.“)

Having failed to reasonably discuss the possibility that these individuals who are seeking equal status should actually be seeking help (it took me forever to type those words – I have been avoiding the discussion too), we have allowed enough time to pass that we have unwittingly allowed the LGBT community to advocate its position to the point that now, anyone who argues that there may be “disorder” involved with being gay or transgender is a bigot. Uneducated. A hater.

Cultural Shift

While we were hemming and hawing over how to avoid giving offense, the LGBT community has been busy making great inroads in the public square. In as little as 15 years, public opinion has done a complete 180. For example, in 2001, 57% of people in the general public opposed gay marriage. Today, even 58% of Catholics support it.

My goodness, the left has been completely indoctrinating the young right under our noses – using our tax dollars, no less! They have even convinced them that there is no such thing as truth (moral or even physical – watch this and this), while all this time we have been pussyfooting around, trying to find the courage to declare it.

Transgender rights are just the latest in a stream of efforts to overturn any semblance of traditional values. Pressure has been mounting at a steep rate. An issue that was little known six months ago has suddenly become a matter of civil rights. To say the trend is disturbing is an understatement. Just a couple of weeks ago (as mentioned in a previous post), an employee of a Catholic university was under investigation for a hate crime after stating that there are two genders.

When the state of North Carolina took a preemptive step in declaring by law that one must use the restroom of his biological gender (something that used to be common sense), the transgender bathroom issue came to a head. Outrage against the state has been palpable.

Then the federal government dove into the controversy, invoking Title 9 and involving the courts. North Carolina fought back. Livid, Obama, sensing a changing tide in public opinion, has thrown down the gauntlet, not only against North Carolina, but daring any state in the country to initiate similar legislation. In a massive overstep of intimidation, the administration has now drawn the big guns, using the power of the purse to threaten schools across the country.

So what now?

I read a quote recently that captures the current pulse of America today:

“Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant, then it tries to silence good.” — Archbishop Charles J. Chaput

So what can we do about it?

After we collectively pick our jaws off the floor, having been stunned by the sheer audacity of the federal government telling us that our daughters must share locker rooms with boys of the opposite sex, we must go back to the beginning.

The Church is first and foremost a mother and a teacher. A loving mother has compassion for her children. But it is out of that compassion that she teaches them the truth. We must, as Christ’s body, the Church, teach the truth about human sexuality.

In order to teach, we must be informed. It is not enough to know that God has a plan for marriage. For the family. As Catholics, we must know that plan. We must be able to articulate that plan.

We must live out that plan.

Truth is undeniable when light shines upon it.

There is nothing better to display the truth in an excellent light, than a clear and simple statement of facts. – Saint Benedict

Get Educated

Here are some resources that I plan to learn inside and out. Study them and see if they help you to better articulate a simple statement of facts:

The Catechism
Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (now Saint John Paul II) – what is truly meant by human sexuality
Familiaris Consortio by Saint John Paul II – because what is most at stake in this discussion is the human family, which is the foundation of all of society
Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love: God’s Plan for Love, Marriage, Intimacy, and the Family by Dietrich von Hildebrand
Men, Women and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri
Address to Roman Curia by Pope Benedict XVI, specifically addressing the dangers of the gender identity movement (and also commentary on it)
Catholic Answers Resources:
– Video: How do We Relate to People who Struggle with Sexual Identity
– Article: Five Questions for Supporters of Gender Transitioning
– Article: Bathroom Bill is Not Hateful Bigotry

7. Popes and Catechism on Gender Theory

[Note: If you have other recommendations that are in line with the Magisterium, please offer them in the Comments section.]

What You Can Do Today

In the meantime, now is the time to take civil action. Force yourself to leave your comfort zone, step off the sidelines and get involved. Write your governors, senators, representatives, school boards, and anyone else of consequence, encouraging them to stand up to the administration. Texas and Arkansas have already said they refuse to comply. In a profound statement, Lt. Governor Dan Patrick of Texas asserted, “We will not be blackmailed by the president’s 30 pieces of silver.”

There is hope that a groundswell of public opinion summarily rejecting the administration’s reach will prove fruitful. Encourage your state not to give into political correctness.

[Note: If you have other ideas for civic action, please recommend them in the Comments section.]

A House Upon the Sand – When We Refuse to Promote the Common Good

If we are to survive as a nation, we must stop trying to redefine the rock that is the family, and once again build a culture that promotes this sacred institution.

Seventeen years ago I worked for a nonprofit that sought to promote the virtues of marriage and its incalculable bearing upon the common good. After a year of campaigning for a cause which I believed to be one of the most significant if not the most significant in our nation’s history, I stepped out in order to focus my time and energy on my own marriage and on the amazing fruit of that relationship, which at the time was about 20 inches long and wrapped in a soft but tiny blue receiving blanket. Unbeknownst to that precious little bundle, the two hearts of this husband and wife were now intricately bound with his own and he would carry them with him for the rest of our lives.

This is what family is about. Two become one, and that one can become three. Or, in our case after 21 years, eight. But like the Blessed Trinity, while we are three (or four or eight, or thirteen), we are still one. By virtue of the sacrament of marriage and the blessing of parenthood, families are a single unit, each individual part of which serves to help every other part, that the whole may one day attain heaven.

Ultimately, family is about sacrifice. Something that must be promoted in today’s world.

Few can describe the beauty and purpose of family life as eloquently as did Pope [Saint] John Paul II, in his encyclical, Familiaris Consortio:

Christian marriage, like the other sacraments, “whose purpose is to sanctify people, to build up the body of Christ, and finally, to give worship to God,” is in itself a liturgical action glorifying God in Jesus Christ and in the church. By celebrating it, Christian spouses profess their gratitude to God for the sublime gift bestowed on them of being able to live in their married and family lives the very love of God for people and that of the Lord Jesus for the church, his bride.

Just as husbands and wives receive from the sacrament the gift and responsibility of translating into daily living the sanctification bestowed on them, so the same sacrament confers on them the grace and moral obligation of transforming their whole lives into a “spiritual sacrifice” (#56).

God has given us a magnificent gift – the family is the foundation of all of society. Solid families build strong neighborhoods. Strong neighborhoods come together as proactive communities. Proactive communities make up productive towns, uniting to form sovereign states in our case, which then come together to share their values beneath the umbrella of a great nation.

This all works very well.

Until the foundation crumbles.

As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live. – Pope John Paul II

In the case of our own nation, the cracks are visible; but rather than fixing the foundation, we are busy re-plastering and re-painting all the residual damage.

Daily we hear about problem after problem, each calling for serious solutions. Crime rates are on the rise and gun violence is increasing, as are random violence, poverty, dismal education scores, drug abuse and availability, the divide between the rich and the poor, the number of children born to single parents, the strain on social services, and more.

As a nation, we are desperate to find solutions to each of these problems. And the solution most promoted is legislation. We decrease sentencing so that fewer crimes result in jail time. We attempt to restrict guns so that criminals cannot commit crimes. We hear about police brutality, a need for additional aid to the poor, increased spending on education, a redistribution of wealth, more counseling and free daycare for single parents. The answer to every proposal that has been tried and failed is to spend MORE money and give MORE consideration!!! And yet, we have been increasing funding in each of these areas for decades now.

To no avail.

Why?

Because there is no amount of money that will solve any of these problems. Simply put, a lack of legislation is not the problem. In fact, legislation actually contributes to the problem, to the extent that it demeans the institution of the family.

That’s right.

We have been destroying the very foundation of our nation by destroying the institution the family – an institution grounded in strong marriages, which we have thrown to the wolves of self-satisfaction and worldly fulfillment.

We have become a house built on sand. And a house built on sand is bound to fall.

The family has been chiseled away to an unrecognizable version of its former self. We are now standing on the quicksand of relativism, individualism and self-determination. We are being sucked under by political correctness and a refusal to make judgements that promote the common good.

And yet, those judgements must be made. God designed the family perfectly. We redefine it to our detriment. Every child needs a father and mother; and, despite efforts to ignore the obvious, all social science evidence points to that simple fact.

As a society, we have a moral obligation to promote the good.

Divorce and single-parent families increase the chances that children will have significant problems throughout life. Children of divorce are more likely to get addicted to cigarettes, drugs or alcohol, commit crimes and struggle with reduced performance in school . They often suffer from lower high school and college graduation rates compared to their married-parent counterparts and are significantly more likely to grow up in poverty. Girls growing up with a single-parent are more likely to become pregnant while in high school. And the trend continues to further generations, as children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves. (Interestingly enough, a single-parent home as the result of the death of a parent does not have the same damaging affects.)

The most comprehensive examination of the complex and long-lasting effects of divorce on children was conducted by Dr. Judith Wallerstein, who tracked 100 victims of divorce over the course of 25 years to thoroughly evaluate its longitudinal affects on their lives. The dramatic results can be read in her book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce.

In addition to the fact that divorce often has a negative effect on children, there is also evidence to demonstrate that divorce is contagious. According to Pew Research, we are 75% more likely to get a divorce if we have a friend that gets a divorce.

And when we do divorce, and months or years later find a mate whom we believe to be our true love? We may be fooling ourselves. Second marriages have a 67-80% chance of ending in divorce.

This is a spiraling cycle that has spun out of control. Let no one quote to you statistics that tout decreasing divorce rates. Because we’re also dealing with a generation full of cohabitation and out-of-wedlock childbirth, which in turn lead to all the same results discussed above.

No where is this information refuted. Instead, it is ignored because it flies in the face of the political agenda of the day. The widespread mindset that promotes following our own hearts; doing what makes us “happy.” Unfortunately, that mindset doesn’t even serve adults in the long run, as more often than not, divorce does not lead to increased happiness.

If we are to survive as a nation, we must stop trying to redefine the rock that is the family, and once again build a culture that promotes this sacred institution.

There is a lot we can do to promote the common good as a society. Of course, our greatest impact on our children will come from the lives we lead in our own homes. But with the entire culture seeking to destroy our best efforts, that has become uphill battle. Combined with our own efforts, messages from every level must promote the common good.

We must be able to say that marriage is good, cohabitation and sex before marriage are bad. Commitment is good. Selfishness is bad. Feelings are fleeting. True love is a verb.

The greatest power of the presidency is the bully pulpit. The greatest power of the media is to inform on the facts – not a twisted, politically correct version that fits the mantra of the day. The greatest power of Hollywood is to persuade through the use of illustration. The greatest power in our communities, in our churches, in our schools and, most importantly, in our homes, is the example set and any spoken word that pays homage to the good.

For years, we have subtly desecrated the notion of the two-parent family through each and every one of those mediums. Here is just one example from Hollywood. Mrs. Doubtfire– an unbelievably celebrated movie – was so funny that perhaps you didn’t even notice how it attempted to redefine the institution of the family:

There are all sorts of different families, Katie. Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families. Some children live with their uncle or aunt. Some live with their grandparents, and some children live with foster parents. Some live in separate homes and neighbourhoods in different areas of the country. They may not see each other for days, weeks, months or even years at a time. But if there’s love, dear, those are the ties that bind. And you’ll have a family in your heart for ever.

Very subtle; very sly; one message among many.

You may defend Mrs. Doubtfire by arguing this message is true. After all, we must support children who are not so blessed to have a father and mother. They should be validated rather than suffer some stigma because their parents are divorced, or perhaps never married. Let me first say that those children are not fooled. As a child who grew up with divorced parents, all the messages in the world would not have convinced me that having my dad live somewhere else was just as “good” as having him live with the rest of us. You can offer all the platitudes you like, but kids know when they are getting the short end of the stick.

For adults on the other hand…the message subtly validates what are no doubt complex and difficult decisions. And it as no doubt reassured countless parents who find themselves in unhappy marriages.

Mrs. Doubtfire came out over 20 years ago. And the messages that we have received since that time – from just about every direction – have only served to further deteriorate this sacred institution. There have been exceptions. But those exceptions are too few and far between.

It’s time we call foul. We must say NO to all efforts that attempt to legislate symptoms rather than dealing with the problem. We need to make clear that while, yes, there are all sorts of different families, the one that God ordained is the one that best promotes the common good.

Until we do, we will continue to build our house upon the sand.

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