This Lent, Fill Yourself with Holy Thoughts Drawn from Good Books

This world is a battleground, and we, the Church Militant, are called to fight evil – whether on a societal level or in the deepest recesses of our own souls – that we might grow in union with God and join Him for all eternity in heaven.

What do you say? The reading of these good books does not concern you? But I find this duty more incumbent on you than on those living in the security of the cloister. For you who sail on the open sea, whether you will it or not, are beset by a thousand occasions of sin. Thus the aid of spiritual books is for you a necessity. A religious cannot be wounded, because she is far from the combat. But you who are in the midst of battle, must protect yourself with the buckler of holy thoughts drawn from good books. – St. John Chrysostom, Discourse 3

This world is a battleground, and we, the Church Militant, are called to fight evil – whether on a societal level or in the deepest recesses of our own souls – that we might grow in union with God and join Him for all eternity in heaven. But the battle is difficult. And weak as we are, it is easy to get get wounded, to grow soft in discipline or get distracted from our mission. Sometimes we succumb to the world and all its demands and then look up to find that we are not where we hoped we’d be. Somehow we need to ground ourselves before we head out into battle each day. To retreat from battle that we might arm ourselves with the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17), cling to the Pillar of Truth (1 Timothy 3:15), and fill ourselves with the buckler of holy thoughts, in order to face the enemy each day.

Prepare for Battle

What would you say if I offered you the opportunity to go on retreat for 15-30 minutes five days per week, directed by some of the greatest minds in the Church? This retreat will offer rewards like you’ve never dreamed. After 15-30 minutes of quiet, prayerful meditation, you will be ready to face your day like never before. If you embark on this retreat, I guarantee you will be equipped with everything you need to make progress in your spiritual life – progress that will be witnessed by your family, friends, colleagues and fellow pilgrims you meet each day.

You’ll find this retreat in How to Read Your Way to Heaven: A Spiritual Reading Program for the Worst of Sinners, the Greatest of Saints and Everyone in Between.

book-cover

Sound like a far-fetched sales pitch?

Absolutely not! In just 15-30 minutes per day, you will

  • Meditate on Sacred Scripture
  • Read 1-2 paragraphs from the Catechism of the Catholic Church
  • Read a few pages from some of the greatest minds in the history of the Church

Spiritual reading is organized around the Four Pillars of the Catechism:

  1. The Profession of Faith – What we Believe as Catholics
  2. The Celebration of the Christian Mystery – Liturgy and the Sacraments
  3. Life in Christ – Man’s Vocation as a Christian
  4. Christian Prayer 

For the person who hasn’t done much spiritual reading…

this program offers a no-fail plan, sans dates or pressure, so you can get started right away, and pace yourself – while reaping great rewards found through Sacred Scripture, the direction of the Saints and  wisdom of the Early Church Fathers.

For the avid reader…

this program provides rhyme and reason to your spiritual reading. It puts order into what is often a random process, allowing for accelerated progress in the spiritual life. Spending concentrated time in each pillar allows you to learn from various perspectives and to practice what you’ve learned in your daily life for an extended time, before moving on to the next topic.

The Time is Now

Lent will soon be upon us – do not delay. Make spiritual reading your Lenten resolution. How to Read Your Way to Heaven is a tool that will help you with all facets of the process. Make this your best Lent ever by uniting yourself to Our Lord like never before!

What’s Inside:

  • Why Spiritual Reading is critical to our lives as Christians
  • Important considerations when embarking on a Spiritual Reading Program
  • What is Syntopical Reading and how it can help you make great strides in your spiritual life
  • What kinds of works to read
  • How to read sacred scripture
  • How to structure your reading time
  • Specific assignments for a 1-Year, 3-Year or 5-Year Reading Program
  • Blank spaces each day so you can add or substitute books of your choice
  • Two Fabulous Book Lists: 99 of the favorite reads of notable Catholics; Fr. C. John McCloskey’s Lifetime Catholic Reading List
  • A lay-flat binding to ensure years of use

 

There isn’t enough space to extoll the benefits of spiritual reading – Rather than belabor the point, I’ll leave you with a final quote from Venerable Louis of Granada, favorite spiritual writer of St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales, St. Charles Borromeo, St. Vincent de Paul and St. Rose of Lima:

So great is the light and fruit of spiritual reading that we know from experience many person who have changed their entire lives by this means. When asked the root and cause of such a change, they responded that after reading such and such a book they resolved to amend their lives…

So sublime are the mysteries that the Christian religion proposes to man and so powerful for moving hearts that I would not be surprised if they effected a great change in anyone who attentively considers them. – Summa of the Christian Life, p. 7-8

 

What People are Saying about How to Read Your Way to Heaven:

 

Personal Message:

Just finished reading Rome Sweet Home and loved it. I’m also enjoying the Book of Matthew. I think it’s a great book to start with. I’m looking forward to my reading time early every morning. I thank God for giving me you…to show me the way to reading His Word. I love to read and this has been something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time.

Check out Amazon for Reader Reviews!

 

Editorial Reviews
McCloskey III profile photo

“If you want to develop a deep knowledge of our Faith, here is a reliable book that shows you how.” Fr. C. John McCloskey III

 

Aquilina profile photo

“We can read all day and read forever, and still feel as if we’re not making progress. Vicki Burbach gets us out of the rut and onto a track toward real spiritual — and cultural and intellectual — progress. This is the kind of book that can make life so much richer — by leading to many more books, and all in good order.” Mike Aquilina

 

Hendey profile photo

“Whether you’re a lifelong Catholic or a skeptical inquirer, you’ll find How to Read Your Way to Heaven by Vicki Burbach to be an indispensable gift for your intellectual and spiritual life. With this timeless treasure, Vicki has helped solve my so many books and so little time problem by providing a masterplan that’s both exciting and accomplishable.”
Lisa M. Hendey Founder of CatholicMom.com and author of The Grace of Yes

 

Burke profile photo

“Getting to heaven often requires that we rely on the wisdom of those who have gone before us. Vicki Burbach has done us a great service by providing an insightful reading plan and approach that, if absorbed and followed, will no doubt produce saints!”
Dan Burke, President of the Avila Institute

 

 

 

A Lenten Retreat that will Last a Lifetime!

This world is a battleground, and we, the Church Militant, are called to fight evil – whether on a societal level or in the deepest recesses of our own souls – that we might grow in union with God and join Him for all eternity in heaven.

What do you say? The reading of these good books does not concern you? But I find this duty more incumbent on you than on those living in the security of the cloister. For you who sail on the open sea, whether you will it or not, are beset by a thousand occasions of sin. Thus the aid of spiritual books is for you a necessity. A religious cannot be wounded, because she is far from the combat. But you who are in the midst of battle, must protect yourself with the buckler of holy thoughts drawn from good books. – St. John Chrysostom, Discourse 3

This world is a battleground, and we, the Church Militant, are called to fight evil – whether on a societal level or in the deepest recesses of our own souls – that we might grow in union with God and join Him for all eternity in heaven. But the battle is difficult. And weak as we are, it is easy to get get wounded, to grow soft in discipline or get distracted from our mission. Sometimes we succumb to the world and all its demands and then look up to find that we are not where we hoped we’d be. Somehow we need to ground ourselves before we head out into battle each day. To retreat from battle that we might arm ourselves with the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17), cling to the Pillar of Truth (1 Timothy 3:15), and fill ourselves with the buckler of holy thoughts, in order to face the enemy each day.

Prepare for Battle

What would you say if I offered you the opportunity to go on retreat for 15-30 minutes five days per week, directed by some of the greatest minds in the Church? This retreat will offer rewards like you’ve never dreamed. After 15-30 minutes of quiet, prayerful meditation, you will be ready to face your day like never before. If you embark on this retreat, I guarantee you will be equipped with everything you need to make progress in your spiritual life – progress that will be witnessed by your family, friends, colleagues and fellow pilgrims you meet each day.

You’ll find this retreat in How to Read Your Way to Heaven: A Spiritual Reading Program for the Worst of Sinners, the Greatest of Saints and Everyone in Between.

book-cover

Sound like a far-fetched sales pitch?

Absolutely not! In just 15-30 minutes per day, you will

  • Meditate on Sacred Scripture
  • Read 1-2 paragraphs from the Catechism of the Catholic Church
  • Read a few pages from some of the greatest minds in the history of the Church

Spiritual reading is organized around the Four Pillars of the Catechism:

  1. The Profession of Faith – What we Believe as Catholics
  2. The Celebration of the Christian Mystery – Liturgy and the Sacraments
  3. Life in Christ – Man’s Vocation as a Christian
  4. Christian Prayer 

For the person who hasn’t done much spiritual reading…

this program offers a no-fail plan, sans dates or pressure, so you can get started right away, and pace yourself – while reaping great rewards found through Sacred Scripture, the direction of the Saints and  wisdom of the Early Church Fathers.

For the avid reader…

this program provides rhyme and reason to your spiritual reading. It puts order into what is often a random process, allowing for accelerated progress in the spiritual life. Spending concentrated time in each pillar allows you to learn from various perspectives and to practice what you’ve learned in your daily life for an extended time, before moving on to the next topic.

The Time is Now

Lent is upon us – do not delay. Make spiritual reading your Lenten resolution. How to Read Your Way to Heaven is a tool that will help you with all facets of the process. Make this your best Lent ever by uniting yourself to Our Lord like never before!

What’s Inside:

  • Why Spiritual Reading is critical to our lives as Christians
  • Important considerations when embarking on a Spiritual Reading Program
  • What is Syntopical Reading and how it can help you make great strides in your spiritual life
  • What kinds of works to read
  • How to read sacred scripture
  • How to structure your reading time
  • Specific assignments for a 1-Year, 3-Year or 5-Year Reading Program
  • Blank spaces each day so you can add or substitute books of your choice
  • Two Fabulous Book Lists: 99 of the favorite reads of notable Catholics; Fr. C. John McCloskey’s Lifetime Catholic Reading List
  • A lay-flat binding to ensure years of use

 

There isn’t enough space to extoll the benefits of spiritual reading – Rather than belabor the point, I’ll leave you with a final quote from Venerable Louis of Granada, favorite spiritual writer of St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales, St. Charles Borromeo, St. Vincent de Paul and St. Rose of Lima:

So great is the light and fruit of spiritual reading that we know from experience many person who have changed their entire lives by this means. When asked the root and cause of such a change, they responded that after reading such and such a book they resolved to amend their lives…

So sublime are the mysteries that the Christian religion proposes to man and so powerful for moving hearts that I would not be surprised if they effected a great change in anyone who attentively considers them. – Summa of the Christian Life, p. 7-8

 

What People are Saying about How to Read Your Way to Heaven:

Recently, Catholic radio host Allison Gingras of breadboxmedia.com, sent me a link to a recent program, where she and guest Cristina Trinidad had been discussing my book. What a fun show! All discussions about Lent and spiritual reading should be so joyful!! I hope you’ll check it out – let these ladies give you their perspective on the book:

A Seeking Heart – 2/17/17

Personal Message:

Just finished reading Rome Sweet Home and loved it. I’m also enjoying the Book of Matthew. I think it’s a great book to start with. I’m looking forward to my reading time early every morning. I thank God for giving me you…to show me the way to reading His Word. I love to read and this has been something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time.

Check out Amazon for Reader Reviews!

Editorial Reviews
McCloskey III profile photo

“If you want to develop a deep knowledge of our Faith, here is a reliable book that shows you how.” Fr. C. John McCloskey III

 

Aquilina profile photo

“We can read all day and read forever, and still feel as if we’re not making progress. Vicki Burbach gets us out of the rut and onto a track toward real spiritual — and cultural and intellectual — progress. This is the kind of book that can make life so much richer — by leading to many more books, and all in good order.” Mike Aquilina

 

Hendey profile photo

“Whether you’re a lifelong Catholic or a skeptical inquirer, you’ll find How to Read Your Way to Heaven by Vicki Burbach to be an indispensable gift for your intellectual and spiritual life. With this timeless treasure, Vicki has helped solve my so many books and so little time problem by providing a masterplan that’s both exciting and accomplishable.”
Lisa M. Hendey Founder of CatholicMom.com and author of The Grace of Yes

 

Burke profile photo

“Getting to heaven often requires that we rely on the wisdom of those who have gone before us. Vicki Burbach has done us a great service by providing an insightful reading plan and approach that, if absorbed and followed, will no doubt produce saints!”
Dan Burke, President of the Avila Institute

 

 

My Exciting Pre-Announcement and Why You Haven’t Heard From Me Lately!!!

Not merely another book to read, How to Read Your Way to Heaven is designed to be an invaluable tool for guiding and organizing your reading to help you on your journey to become a saint.

Lately I have been off-line. I have had insights and inquiries I wanted to discuss with you; but instead I have used any time on my computer to put the final touches on my latest project. In that regard, and in the interest of the delicate balancing act that is the life of a mother, I have neglected the youngest of my children. Yes, I consider this blog to be my infant child – barely a year old, it has been left to flounder for most of the past two months. Between preparing for holidays and finishing other projects, our conversation about sacrifice has been left on the back burner. Sacrificed, so to speak.

So what’s been taking so much time that I couldn’t spare a minute to check in here and there?

Well, I’m pleased to announce that my first book just went to the printer!!! How to Read Your Way to Heaven is available for pre-order and will be formally released by Sophia Institute Press on January 26th!

book-cover

That’s right! I’ve spent the last month or two plugging away at small details here and there, hoping to make this a spiritual reading program well worth your time and energy. And, while I am humbled by the opportunity to pull this together, I must say, I do think it has turned out to be quite a valuable resource.

From the back of the book:

Wouldn’t it be great if we really could read our way to heaven?

Many of us commit to some form of spiritual reading, but we find that our book choices are sporadic and often based on a whim rather than following a purposeful plan. Designed for individual or group settings, How to Read Your Way to Heaven will guide your quest to delve deeper into a relationship with Christ by meditating on the written word while organizing your reading around the four pillars of the Catholic Faith – the Creed, the sacraments, morality and prayer.

Not merely another book to read, How to Read Your Way to Heaven is designed to be an invaluable tool for guiding and organizing your reading to help you on your journey to become a saint.

Following this plan, you’ll meditate daily on Sacred Scripture and read the entirety of the Catechism over the course of the program. You’ll be introduced to a treasure trove of the greatest Catholic books ever written, and you’ll learn prayerful reading methods such as lectio divina and find time-tested advice on where and when to read.

A couple of additional notes:

  • This book is an integrated 1-,3- or 5-year spiritual reading program, complete with a checklist, specific assignments and a magnificent book list that is fully in line with the Magisterium of the Church.
  • A sample page from the reading program:

 

screen-shot-of-book

  • Daily assignments include brief readings from Sacred Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church and some of the greatest Catholic books ever written. Readings generally take 15-30 minutes per day, or can be split between two days, if time is limited. The program is completely adaptable to the schedule of each individual reader.
  • The four pillars of the Catholic Faith as described in the Catechism of the Catholic Church are the foundation on which this reading program is built: What we believe (Profession of Faith); liturgy and the sacraments (Celebration of the Christian Mystery); life of Christ; prayer.
  • SO excited about this one  – We asked Catholics to whom many of us look for wisdom, guidance or support on our spiritual journeys to share their favorite books from each of the four pillars of Faith. Many responded. We have recommendations from Dr. Peter Kreeft, Jennifer Fulwiler, Mike Aquilina, Fr. Mike Schmitz, Fr. Timothy Gallagher, Tim Staples, Trent Horn, Jason Evert and many others. Additionally, we included Fr. C. John McCloskey’s Catholic Lifetime Reading List, which includes over 100 books for your spiritual reading pleasure and enlightenment.
  • Hundreds of quotes by saints and other great and holy minds are sprinkled throughout the text for your meditation and contemplation on each of the four pillars.
  • The main text includes the story of my spiritual reading journey as a Catholic convert, including five things I’ve learned about spiritual reading, and why it should play a critical role in our lives as Catholics.

I’m so excited to share this resource with you! I hope you’ll check it out and let me know what you think!!!

5 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Raising Catholic Children

Like all parents, there are several things I wish someone had told me when I began parenting. I’m learning little by little; but perhaps some of my experiences might help those who are just getting started with little ones before they, too, look up and realize their time and influence may be fleeting.

Our oldest son is a senior year in high school this year. This is an exciting time for him. But as parents, we count the days we have left with him before he leaves for

Holy Family - United Kingdomcollege. The next two kids won’t be far behind – in less than five years, half our children will have graduated from high school.

This time in our lives has been the impetus to much reminiscing on my part.

Like all parents, there are several things I wish someone had told me when I began parenting.  Particularly about how to raise kids who leave our home with a desire and will to follow Christ in their thoughts, words and deeds. I’m learning little by little; but perhaps some of my ups and downs might help those who are just getting started with little ones before they, too, look up and realize their time and influence may be fleeting.

The advice may be worth what you pay for it; but here are my top five tips to parents with little ones:

1. Don’t be so paranoid.

We kept our kids from things like Pokemon and from Harry Potter, etc. because I’d seen all the questionable articles. I wanted to play it safe. (I say “I” because my husband would have been a little more laid back about these things.) A few months ago, our family went out for ice cream, and the shop we were in was showing Harry Potter on TV (why there was a TV in an ice cream joint is a discussion for another time:)). My teens joked at the time about how I never let them read or watch anything when they were young; shortly thereafter, my 17-year-old read all the Harry Potter books. He said they were pretty good. Not worth all the hype, but enjoyable. I don’t remember what all the fuss was about years ago, but I’ve seen no repercussions thus far. And he’s already moved on to other things.

Shortly thereafter, Pokemon Go became all the rage. My boys were right in the middle of it all (I’ve lightened up in my “old” age). But their interest faded within a week and they’ve both moved on in this area as well.

When my kids were little, I drove myself crazy trying to make sure they weren’t involved in anything that might make them stray from the Faith or might lead to other dangers.  BUT… I knew other moms who let their kids do plenty of things that I restricted (within reason) and their kids grew out of them almost as soon as they tried them.  Now those kids are well-adjusted and seem to make good decisions where they count.

Not only have I noticed that a little bit of gentle “openness” on the part of moms doesn’t seem to have harmed their kids, I’ve also learned that a more anxious approach to the world can have damaging effects that I hadn’t anticipated.

Case in point, I think my oldest especially (17), but to a certain extent my second too (15), have sort of written me off as “paranoid” and not particularly the voice of reason about things related to the culture. They haven’t been disrespectful about it, but I’m definitely getting that vibe.

Not only am I not their “go-to” person regarding cultural issues, but I don’t know whether I’ve really prepared my older kids to confront the “big” issues they will face in the world.  Are they capable of discerning right from wrong on their own? Of saying “no” themselves when all their friends are saying “yes”? I hope they’re ready, but I am beginning to second-guess my original strategy.

While second-guessing myself does me no good, I have to say that I wish I had been relaxed about more things when my kids were younger. Even when I didn’t let them do things, I wish I would have been more “sneaky” about it – redirecting instead of saying “no.”   (Lest you think that “no” is the problem – I did substitute the things I wouldn’t let them do with positive things.  But they remember the “no”s.)

If we do our best to completely control their environment for them when they are young, when are we teaching our children to use their own judgement?  In my case, I taught my kids right from wrong, but when kids are young and mom controls the environment – with a penchant for the word “NO”-  is she helping them to check things out and discern for themselves when the stakes are low so that they can make good decisions when they are high?  But the stakes are high, you might say.  Yes, I always thought they were high, too. In my mind, they were high for everything from books to movies to shows to video games to friends to school to (insert issue here).

However, now they really are high. Driving, alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, etc.  And while my kids have yet to fall in those areas (at least to my knowledge), if they do come across challenges, I don’t know that I’ll be the first one they turn to for advice, frankly because they may be worried about my reaction. Additionally, I sometimes wonder if by making everything a big deal, I’ve made nothing a big deal – in other words, is it possible that my dependability for insight has been watered down? Am I the mom who cried “wolf” one too many times?

Bottom line – if my eight-year-old brought home a Pokemon card (or some other questionable toy or game) from a neighbor today, I would treat it no differently than any other toy  (granted, there are exceptions to this rule; e.g. Ouija Board.)  And I’m sure it would disappear within a day or two.  If it didn’t, I would probably use the same technique they recommend for toddlers – get rid of the card when he wasn’t looking and then redirect his attention to something fun and good, without using the word “no”.

2. Help more; require less.

Let me preface this commentary by saying that my parents are both retired military, with over 20 years of service each.  That should give you some understanding of my own upbringing.  Needless to say, when my older kids were little, I had chore charts, responsibilities and expectations. I wanted to raise independent children who could do for themselves.  When I dropped them off with a babysitter, they waved goodbye and ran to play. (I was put off by those little kids in play groups who wouldn’t let go of their mothers’ legs.  I thought MY kids would never do that.)  The first three could all read at age three – no lie.  They were capable and very independent. When they asked for help, if I had taught them the task in the past and I knew they could do it, I would explain that they needed to do it themselves.

Perhaps you can already see the problem with that angle.

While I may have taught my older kids a great sense of independence and a strong work ethic, did I model a sense of compassion or a helpful spirit?  Thankfully, some of my kids are naturally helpful.  But in some cases they do not bend over backwards to help siblings, and frankly, with my expectation that they do for themselves, I may have failed to teach by example in that area.  They all help if I ask.  And they’ll do any chores required of them.  But ideally, they would all help when not asked. They would look for places to serve (whether at home or in the world). And they would be joyfully willing to help when asked by a sibling  (I’m treading on thin ice here, because there are times when they all serve and some of them always serve).  But I have a feeling I could have better cultivated a sense of service and cooperation, and am trying to make up for it now. By the way – on a selfish note –  all those kids I knew who were so attached and needy of their mothers when they were young? They are still attached, if not needy. That concept is awfully attractive to a mother with a senior who can’t wait to become an independent entity. He is capable of taking care of himself and more than excited about demonstrating his ability. We are definitely proud of his accomplishments. But right now, I’d give anything for a little attachment🙂.

3. Make family time FUN.

When my kids were younger, we celebrated what we called “Family Fun Night” every Friday.  I planned various activities, whether a craft, bike ride, board game, or what our family calls “Tickle Monster.” Those nights are some of the best memories our family share together.  But as the family grew and the age gap from top to bottom widened, I took my foot off the gas. Partly because I was busy and tired. The last thing I wanted to do every Friday was plan family entertainment on top of an over-scheduled week. Family Fun Night morphed into movie night – easy and low stress – which in the grand scheme of things, has not produced many memories. Movies run together in our minds and there is little family interaction when everyone hangs out with their eyes glued to the television.

My advice? Keep the FUN in Family Fun Night. You’ll never regret it. If necessary, let something else go. If you don’t, you’ll have teens who find friends more important than movies and going out more important than staying in. Movies don’t strengthen relationships. Laying out blankets in the grass and counting the stars – does. Serving finger food in various shapes for dinner and having everyone make pictures with their food – does. Hanging out around a campfire and roasting marshmallows – does. And even if you argue that those things still won’t entice the teens – they may and they may not. It depends on the teen. But even if they don’t, the older kids will be able to reminisce on great memories when they walk in on the fun, and they may just surprise you and join in.

And what does family fun time have to do with Faith? As a Domestic Church, the family is a child’s first and most important contact with God and with Godliness. Is there anything more attractive and inspiring than joy?

4. Place God at the center in action – not just word. He is a Person, not a belief system.

I remember listening to an atheist professor in college. He told us some crazy things. Among them, he said that Christianity was created to suppress the poor, and that the rich pooled the New Testament to encourage sacrifice as a “virtue” among the downtrodden.

Having very little foundation in Christianity, what that professor said seemed reasonable to me. I hadn’t been to church much growing up. So I was tempted to take him at his word. After all, he had the PhD.  But I thank God nearly every day for the two students in our class who questioned his theories. They were certain and confident that what he was saying was wrong. They weren’t argumentative. They weren’t disrespectful. But they asked questions that pointed out the irrational nature of his conclusions. I was amazed. I remember thinking as I sat there, “I wish I had their faith. Even if believing in God is only a crutch, I want that crutch.”

Years later when I converted to Catholicism, I was determined that my children would not only know what to believe, but they would know why they believed, like those college students years before. Whatever happened, I did not want them to doubt. I wanted them to KNOW, as I finally know, that Christ is The Way. So I talked to them early and often. I read to them. I catechized them.

But now that our influence over our older kids wanes and our days together dwindle, I often wonder – have I shown them?

Have I been joyful?

Have I been at peace?

Have I been generous?

Have I loved?

I taught my kids plenty of prayers; and I taught them frequent participation in the sacraments; but did I teach them to know Jesus as their best friend? Have I demonstrated that He is mine?

My oldest knows all the right words to say. He knows what we believe and why we believe it. (And that’s one thing I wouldn’t change – so if you are leaving the catechesis of your children to Mass attendance or to their religious education class, then I’d add an additional tip — make sure your children know their Faith. You are their first educator; their faith is too important to leave to chance.) But when my son gets out in the world and is tempted to turn away, the choice to remain faithful will be easier to make if he feels that he is being faithful to a Person, a Friend.  Have I properly introduced him to that Friend; and have I helped to cultivate a lifelong friendship? Or have I been so focused on the What and the Why, that I neglected the Who?

DO teach your kids to KNOW. But make sure you imbue them with a knowledge of the heart, not merely a knowledge of the head.

5. Remember that No family is perfect but YOU are Perfect for Your family.

I know this is an obvious point in theory; but often our emotions don’t follow the obvious. I spent years thinking that everyone else knew more than I did about how to be a good parent. There are times I’ve actually asked God, “Why did you give Child X to me instead of to that person over there?” Not because I was frustrated with my child, but because I felt the virtue I saw in another person would lead my child to holiness a lot faster than my vices would.  But the truth is that we all see the challenges and the sin in our own home and wonder what we are doing wrong.

The older I get, the more I realize that we are all learning how to be parents. Your weakness may be another parent’s strength. But other parents are watching your family and wishing for the strengths they see in you. We are all fallen creatures. There is no perfect family. (For more thoughts on that subject, read here.) God has a plan for your family. There is no home in the world that will contribute to the sanctity of your children like yours. God wants them in heaven; but He has entrusted their souls to you. That is no mistake. Our Lord has great faith in your ability to seek His grace daily and to turn to Him when you fall. Thank goodness for that, because there is nothing like parenthood to bring you to your knees.

Parents’ Prayer for Their Children

O God the Father of mankind, who hast given unto me these my children, and committed them to my charge to bring them up for Thee, and to prepare them for eternal life: help me with Thy heavenly grace, that I may be able to fulfil this most sacred duty and stewardship. Teach me both what to give and what to withhold; when to reprove and when to forbear; make me to be gentle, yet firm; considerate and watchful; and deliver me equally from the weakness of indulgence, and the excess of severity; and grant that, both by word and example, I may be careful to lead them in the ways of wisdom and true piety, so that at last I may, with them, be admitted to the unspeakable joys of our true home in heaven, in the company of the blessed Angels and Saints. Amen.

O Heavenly Father, I commend my children to Thy care. Be Thou their God and Father; and mercifully supply whatever is lacking in me through frailty or negligence. Strengthen them to overcome the corruptions of the world, whether from within or without; and deliver them from the secret snares of the enemy. Pour Thy grace into their hearts, and strengthen and multiply in them the gifts of Thy Holy Spirit, that they may daily grow in grace and in knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; and so, faithfully serving Thee here, may come to rejoice in Thy presence hereafter. Amen.

(Prayer borrowed from Catholic Online)

So What Have You Been Reading this Summer?

Have you decreased your use of technology and increased your reading? If so, how’s it going and what have you been reading this summer?

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Three months ago, I wrote a post about setting aside technology, turning off the television and sitting down with a good book. In that post, I invited you to come back on August 1, and chat about how that’s worked for you and what you’ve been reading this summer.

Well, here we are! Time sure flies, doesn’t it?!

On my end, I did turn off the media. Or at least I tried to avoid it, without deleting my apps or canceling my accounts (sort of like keeping that one credit card…for emergencies). And I was successful. At first. But of course, as a window left open the slightest bit will still allow the rain to seep through, sogging the carpets and rotting the wood, little by little my social media usage trickled back in, stealing my time and interrupting my productivity.

Thankfully I have been able to ward off the assault a good degree, using my time for productive activity, if not always for reading. But then, that’s what mothers do regardless, isn’t it – productive activity?

To be completely honest, I have probably read less so far this summer than I would in the same time period during the school year – summers seem conducive to crazy schedules and lots of driving (And before you recommend books on tape, I’ve done that, but great works like  Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume probably don’t count. Or do they?

In the free time I’ve managed to thread amidst all the camps and other activities, I’ve been working on a project. I suppose I can confide in you at this point – I am in the process of wrapping up my first book. Shhhh. This is the first I’m mentioning this publicly, so please keep it on the down-low for now – although your prayers would be much appreciated. The fact of the matter is that suggesting a reading binge was probably pretty foolish of me this summer, considering the deadline for my book is in September. I don’t know when I thought I’d EVER be sitting around this summer.

Prayers, more prayers and fingers crossed – talk is that my book will be published for Lent 2017. What’s it about, you ask? Why, spiritual reading, of course! If you haven’t checked out our spiritual reading book club on spiritualdirection.com – please do! And keep your eyes and ears peeled around the first of the new year – hopefully I’ll have something to offer that will serve you through a lifetime of spiritual reading!

But back to the subject at hand –  our Summer of reading…

I must admit I’m a bit embarrassed about my list. Not long. And for the most part not profound. Some of my books are the result of taking pictures of the popular books at Costco and reserving them at the library. That may be the first and last time I try something like that. For those who are interested, here’s what I’ve read thus far:

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah – OK. Not nearly as good as All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (both are novels set in WWII).

Night by Elie Wiesel – Elie Wiesel passsed away in July, prompting me to seek out this book. It was very moving. Sad. Unbelieveable. Unconscionable. And an absolute must-read.

Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll – A lot of crassness (is that a word?). Story got interesting, but I had to work to get there. A few suspenseful moments kept me going. Once I made it past the yuck, I had to finish the book, at which point the “yuck” became almost understandable.

Life of Christ by Archbishop Fulton Sheen; I’m on pg. 386 – still reading this magnificent book for our book club. It may just be one of my favorites. Lots of commentary about the Soviets, socialism and communism. Very apropos today.

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes – Had to read this to see where the author went. Another activist book that paves the way for assisted suicide being considered as compassionate and obvious as the notion of actually saving a life. Very sad. For more commentary on it, see this previous post.

Mother Angelica: Her Grand Silence by Raymond Arroyo – I found this book to be very good. I wrote a post on this one too.

The English Girl by Daniel Silva – I’m reading this now. Not my type of book. I need more literary stimulation. This one is all story and I just can’t get into it.

That’s it. The sum total of my literary adventures of Summer 2016.

Now it’s your turn! Have you decreased your use of technology and increased your reading? If so, how’s it going and what have you been reading this summer?

God bless you!!!!

Greatest Predictor of Success: Science and the Bible Agree

You might be surprised to know that God and science agree on the key to success. Read more to find out how you can be successful in this life and the next.

Ever wonder just what might be the greatest predictor of success? And when I say success, I mean the whole enchilada – happiness, financial security, relationships – everything. Well, Science has found the answer.

Go ahead and guess.

prosperityRich parents?

Intelligence?

Hard work?

Good Looks?

None of the above. It turns out the greatest predictor of success in this life is….

The Ability to Delay Gratification.

That’s right. And it’s been tested. Several times.

In a recent Stossel in the Classroom segment, John Stossel talked about a study done with marshmallows that demonstrated the value of self-denial. There’s a TED talk about it too.

Apparently, for the study, originally done in the 60s, social scientists took four-year-old children and placed them each in a room. The moderator would say, “I have a marshmallow for you. You may eat it right now. OR, if you can wait until I return in 15 minutes, I will give you a SECOND marshmallow. In the original study and in every reproduction to date, only one third of the kids were able to avoid eating their marshmallow. (Videos on the TED Talk of kids trying to wait are priceless).

Researchers followed up on the kids. 15 years later, 100% of those children that had not eaten the marshmallow were successful. According to Stossel, the kids who did not eat their marshmallow within the 15 minute time period scored an average of 213 points higher on their SATs. They were happier and healthier. Years later, “they make more money, they are happier, they have better relationships, and they are less likely to get into trouble” than those kids who had not been able to resist the treat.

Research showed that kids who did eat the marshmallow were more likely to struggle in life. On average, they had more relationship troubles, didn’t do as well financially and tended to be more unhappy.

The truth is, as much as the ME-culture of instant gratification and self-indulgence would like us to believe that it is guiding us to the greener pastures of personal fulfillment and joy, no one is brought to greater happiness through self-indulgence. Like sin, the ME-culture sucks us into a cavern of darkness which leads us deeper and deeper into the blackness until we are so lost we cannot find the light.

For those of you who were doubtful, it turns out – according to the omnipotent and all-knowing halls of science –

Self-Denial is Good for Us.

Self-denial is not  – contrary to popular belief – about shackling ourselves to an earthly life of misery and unhappiness. It doesn’t mean torturing ourselves to lead lives of drudgery and self-imposed sacrifice.

Maybe self-denial – even in this world – is about opening doors and widening our options. Because apparently, self-denial begets success. Self-denial begets happiness.

Which brings us to our Faith.

What is the great command of discipleship – as symbolized by the very Cross upon which our Salvation hung?

From the mouth of Christ,

If any man would come after me, let him DENY HIMSELF and take up his cross and follow me.” (emphasis mine) (Matthew 16:24) (Mark 8:34) (Luke 9:23)

In the words of Saint Paul,

I appeal to you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Romans 12:1)

We are called to deny ourselves in this world, that we might enjoy eternal happiness in the next. What is that denial but the ultimate in delayed gratification?

Most interesting about this scientific finding is that in virtually all circles, we hear that this world and the next do not value the same things. Either you can live for this world, or you can live for heaven. But you cannot do both. In Scripture, we are warned about the temptations of this world. But while there is a culture out there promoting the opposite of self-denial — self-indulgence, instant gratification, gluttony — that culture is contrary to the truth that is engraved on the heart of every one of us. How could the laws of this world ever truly contradict the laws of Him Who made this world?

They couldn’t. Happiness in this world and happiness in the next must be consistent. Because happiness can only be found in Good.

So the next time you hear the above verses, don’t moan and complain as you drag that cross along behind you or slump sulkily up onto that altar. Remember that when you wail about self-denial you are as amusing to God as a small child at nap time who denies with his whole being that sleep is good for his peace and contentment.

Your happiness in the next world is contingent upon your denying yourself in love. For God. But here’s the amazing thing. Your goal is not merely greater financial gain. But research shows that you’ll probably have it. Your goal is not merely better relationships. But research demonstrates that you’ll probably have them. Your goal is not ultimately happiness in this world. But the science shows that you’ll probably have it.

I know what you are thinking. As Christians, we know there is no guarantee that if we deny ourselves we will reap worldly rewards. True. But could it be that we have been so frustrated by the wrong-spiritedness of the “Prosperity” Gospel (Just have faith and you can have whatever you want) that we make following Christ out to be just the opposite? A joyless duty? Could it be that in effort to avoid the silliness of the that false teaching, we’ve pushed back too far?

Apparently, it just isn’t true that you must be miserable here in order to be happy in eternal life. Apparently, if you live for God in this life, you need not wait for eternity. You will most likely enjoy greater success and happiness here on earth as well.

Bottom line, on this subject Science and God are preaching the same message:

Self-Denial will reap great rewards.

Pick up your cross. You’ll be glad you did – maybe sooner than you think.

When Your Family Doesn’t Measure Up

Sometimes I wonder whether God laughs or cries as He watches us taking notes on other families. Does He roll His eyes as He watches us hold onto every off-handed remark that offers any clue about their daily routine, and then shake His head as we rush home to regroup?

Do you spend an inordinate amount of time looking around at other families and trying desperately to figure out how they do it? Do you openly admire your friends, while secretly sad familytrying to get a handle on that green-eyed monster that lurks just below the surface?

Are you beside yourself as you try to figure out how it is that other families bear each other’s burdens and have each other’s backs while your kids bicker over the meaning of the word of and would gouge each other’s eyes out rather than build each other up? Does the love and respect other kids show their parents have you in tears as you think about your sassy high schooler with the Jeckyll/Hyde personality?  Are you bewildered by the fact that your friends’ children always seem to choose the right path while yours aren’t even on a path?

Sometimes I wonder whether God laughs or cries as He watches us taking notes on other families. Does He roll His eyes as we hold onto every off-handed remark that offers any clue about their daily routine, and then shake His head when we rush home to regroup?

What a great family – What do they do that we don’t do? Ooh – they attend daily Mass. Better add that to our schedule – Check! This family prays the rosary as a family every day – ooh – gotta figure out whether that’s a decade or the whole rosary. Whole rosary – OK! Better add that too – Check! And this other family reads the Bible together every night. (Are there enough hours in a night?) Well, if it will help our family to be more holy, I’m all in – Check! That family is amazing – a seminarian in the family- they have no cell phones and no television. Oooh. Check? Nope – this other family is great too – seminarian and a couple of national merit scholars – and they have both cell phones and television. Good deal! Check!

Sadly, you could emulate every single activity of every family to whom you look for wisdom and insight regarding that amorphous concept of holiness, without ever being able to secure the same results. In fact, you are more likely to wreak greater havoc in your own home by trying to follow the routines of this family or that family, rather than discerning exactly what it is that God asks of your family.

God loves you.

And He loves your children.

He loves your children so much that He loaned them to you – not to that family over there. He placed your children in your care because He knew that you would be the best parent to help your individual children make their way through this life equipped to spend forever with Him in the next. He has great faith in your ability to turn to Him as your guide, and He trusts that by His grace, you are more than capable of preparing your children for the Kingdom of Heaven.

Your children do not need the perfect routine. More than anything, they need you. They need your love. They need your patience. And they need you to live your Faith in a way that best reflects the light of Christ.

Sure there will be tension in the family. Sure there will be difficulties.  Just as there are difficulties in each individual human soul. But just as your relationship with God is unique to you, the relationship between God and your family will be unique as well. So don’t look around to see what your neighbors are doing. While it seems like a great idea to seek guidance and example, more often than not it leads to depression and a sense of failure.

How Faith manifests itself in our families will be unique to each and every family, depending on an infinite number of particularities. More than anything else, the soul of the family must be animated by God. Just as He must be at the center of each individual’s  life, He must also reign at the core of the family.

Recently, I found a great book about family life, published in 1921. Believe it or not, although it was nearly a century ago, at their core, families back then faced problems not so foreign to the ones we face today. The author offers great insight:

In the home where God is rightly honored, it is realized that children cannot honor God without honoring their parents, and parents will understand that they cannot honor God without respecting each other and living mainly for the children. It is easy to see that with such a spirit animating children and parents, the family circle will truly be “Home, Sweet Home.” 

The most beautiful families, like the most beautiful individuals, are too busy living their Faith to look around and measure themselves against their neighbors. They are busy measuring themselves against the only measuring stick there is – Christ Himself. And to the extent that they don’t measure up, they ask for His grace to help them improve:

Of course, every family will have its misunderstandings and annoyances. That is life. There is no escape from it. But the home wherein God is supreme will be able to meet these vicissitudes in a way that will make them a blessing. Some of the homes that I have known were those where affliction had abounded; for the peace and comfort which God knows how to bestow on His own, also abounded there. If you would save the home, therefore, and have it the dearest place on earth, begin by putting it on the foundation of Faith. If after you have done this, the home is not what it should be, it will be exceptional. (emphasis mine)

And for those of us that worry about friction in the home,

We must not forget that we have not here a lasting city, but that we seek one which is to come. A certain worldly man has said that our home is our heaven. Our home may be very dear to us, but the best home will have many annoyances and afflictions to remind us that our true home is not here, but hereafter. – You and Yours: Practical Talks on Home Life, by Martin Jerome Scott, cir. 1921, p. 8-9

 

 

Mother Angelica and the Power of Old Age

If you ever wanted to illustrate the beauty and gift of suffering for a friend or family member – or even witness it for yourself in living color – I highly recommend this book. Written in a casual voice that is easy and enjoyable, Arroyo hits home when it comes to relaying, through Mother’s experiences, our close connection with the spiritual world.

On the eve of the Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus (that would be last night), I finished reading Raymond Arroyo’s Mother Angelica:Her Grand Silence, his final chapter sacred heart paintingon the last years of Mother Angelica‘s amazing life. I could have read no better book as a “novena” of sorts leading up to the day of one of my favorite feasts.

Particularly for those who do not “get” the concept of redemptive suffering, this book illustrates the beauty and value of suffering and sacrifice in Mother Angelica’s straightforward and no frills way.

Mother’s story is compelling in its simplicity. The words do not merely relay church teaching, but rather provide an intimate recording of the profound and powerful nature of sacrifice made in the August of life.

Mother Angelica’s personal story will resonate with another mother very close to my heart. My own. She has had some medical issues lately. Nothing life-threatening. But we have been talking a little more about end-of-life-stuff. Of course, there has been a recurring theme throughout our conversations, and she wouldn’t mind if I shared it with you:

My mother does not want to suffer.

Of course, I don’t want to suffer either. And – I’m willing to bet – neither do you. So what’s the big deal, you ask?

Well, my mother has the attitude that she would not want to live if she couldn’t take care of herself (not an uncommon sentiment these days). Extremely independent, she would consider it the worst of all fates if her children or a caregiver had to care for her in her later years. Or if she couldn’t walk or drive or see (she has macular degeneration) or worse.

But Arroyo illustrates, through Mother Angelica’s example, the spiritual power that one can have, particularly because of her physical weakness:

Mother was – spiritually speaking – stronger than iron, and yet she couldn’t stand or feed herself during the last few years of her life. Her final bittersweet act was in some ways a conscious oblation of self. In 2000, following a near-death experience, she shared with me a prayer she had been offering to God: “Lord, I want you to use me in any way you want. I don’t care what it is. Just don’t let me see the fruit.”

For the most part, she wouldn’t see the fruit. But having always considered redemptive suffering a gift, she embraced this last drawn-out trial as she had all those that preceded it. “Whether I am suffering in a physical, mental, or spiritual manner, I resemble Jesus at those moments – and the Father looks at us in our pain and He sees His son in the most beautiful way. That’s what makes you holy. Don’t rebel,” Mother taught. “Our pain only has meaning when we unite it, out of love, to the suffering of Christ. -p. 219

For some people – my mother, for instance – stuffy language and beautiful doctrine crash like a clanging cymbal on deaf ears. But you’ll find none of that here. Only a little lady who, through great faith and hope, united herself completely to the cross of Christ, and took whatever He offered with great grace and humility.

If there’s anyone who could show my mother the value of suffering and the sheer beauty of uniting one’s cross to Christ’s, it’s Mother Angelica. Rather than pour on the schmaltz, Mother told it like it is:

“One of the lessons I’ve learned is that suffering and old age are most precious. You know why? Because at that point in our lives we’re powerful.” p. 185

Arroyo extrapolates:

Mother meant that the elderly and infirm enjoy long hours with God alone, hours to pray and intercede for others. It is a mysterious power, but it is a power nonetheless. Just as their bodies weaken, their spirits are emboldened. As death draws near, fears diminish. So does interest in the material world.

If you ever wanted to illustrate the beauty and gift of suffering for a friend or family member – or even witness it for yourself in living color – I highly recommend this book. Written in a casual voice that is easy and enjoyable, Arroyo hits home when it comes to relaying, through Mother’s experiences, our close connection with the spiritual world.

As it happens, this morning while getting ready, I decided for the first time ever to pull up a YouTube video of an old Mother Angelica Live Classics show  – this after reading several letters people have written about her impact on their lives, even in her later years when they found re-runs of this nun speaking in her animated and joyful way. Sadly, I’d never watched Mother Angelica when her show was on live. But that will change now that I’ve found the “Classics.”

Surprisingly, I found a video on the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Mother mentions in the video His words to St. Gertrude:

“Whenever you willingly offer yourselves to me, you truly glorify me.”

If anyone ever truly glorified Our Lord, it was Mother Angelica, through her complete offering of self – particularly in the last years of her life. This paradox of power and strength resonating in humility and weakness will convince even the most stubborn skeptic that suffering, when offered in love, can have great merit.

I thought you might enjoy her talk about the Sacred Heart on this special day:

An Open Letter to Engaged Couples

You’ve been dreaming of this day for so long, and now it’s only a heartbeat away. No doubt at least one of you has spent countless hours working out every microscopic detail to ensure that your amazing day is everything you’ve imagined it to be. But while all the particulars have their place, your special day will be gone in the blink of an eye. After that, you will stand hand in hand, looking down the winding road that is your future, ready to travel every step of the way together. “If true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears.”

June will soon be upon us. That means wedding planners are working overtime, brides are getting overwhelmed as they count the days and grooms are looking forward to the honeymoonhoneymoon. Or at least that’s how it was 21 years ago when I got married. Could be that these days grooms are getting overwhelmed and brides are looking forward to the honeymoon (I did hear the term “groomzilla” for the first time this year).  Most likely it’s a little of both.

Whatever the case, this letter is for you – the bride and groom. You’ve been dreaming of this day for so long, and now it’s only a heartbeat away. No doubt at least one of you has spent countless hours working out every microscopic detail to ensure that your amazing day is everything you’ve imagined it to be. Perhaps you have Say Yes to the Dress and Four Weddings DVR’d and your reception hall on speed dial. And if the days leading up to your wedding are anything like ours, you must be up to your veils and bowties in flowers, programs, music and invitations.

But while all the particulars have their place, your special day will be gone in the blink of an eye. After that, you will stand hand in hand, looking down the winding road that is your future, ready to travel every step of the way together.

Your final destination? Heaven.

Whoever said life is about the journey is wrong. Life is about the end game. Your mission in marriage is to lead each other to heaven. And along the way, that winding road may lead you in directions yet foreseen.

Twenty-one years ago when I married my husband, we were excited, joyful and madly in love. Could we have imagined what our lives would bring over the next two decades? Surely I could never have guessed the joys and wonders that would more fully unite us as we were blessed with six amazing children to raise. But intermixed with the joy came job loss, financial strain, the grief of five miscarriages, the death of friends and family members, our crazy spur-of-the-moment decision to homeschool in a world of two incomes (to date we’ve persevered for 14 years), living in four different states, and hanging our hats in seven homes thus far.

But much to my surprise, every challenge has produced increased joy and a stronger commitment to one another. I was surprised because, you see, unlike my husband, I did not grow up with two parents who were married for the entirety of this earthly life. While I had the best of intentions,  I had no idea what marriage was supposed to look like. Chances are, at least half of you are in the same spot. It is for you that, in all humility and openness, I’d like to share an experience I had with my husband many years ago, before we were married.

Shortly after our engagement, I was concerned because my then fiancé was not overly affectionate with me. We rarely held hands and we behaved more like close friends than the adoring lovers I’d seen in the movies. I raised the issue with him. Almost pouting, I asked (in all sincerity), “If this is how affectionate we are now, imagine what things are going to be like in twenty years?  I mean, this is supposed to be the most romantic and wonderful time of our relationship – when it’s new and exciting!  Love only goes downhill from here.”

I can still see the expression he gave me.  One of puzzled amusement.  His eyes sparkled and his mouth turned up slightly as he took my hand.  “Vicki,” he said.  “My parents have been married for nearly forty years.  They are probably more affectionate now than they have ever been.  Now that the kids are grown and they are each other’s sole companion through life.  I absolutely guarantee you that they love each other now a thousand times more than they did when they were first engaged.”

He must have seen the doubt in my eyes, because he took my other hand too, before he continued.  “Think about it.  My parents have raised children together.  They’ve watched neighbors experience the tragedy of losing everything they had through the eighties when farming was at its low. They have been through good times and terrible times.  They have gotten to know each other’s families in an intimate way so that it’s not just the two of them, but a web of relationships that solidifies their own.  They have seen each other at their worst. They have seen each other at their best. They have forty years of memories together, both good and bad.  They buried a baby together.  They can honestly say that they know each other better than anyone else in the world.  That in itself ties them together.  I can assure you that my parents are absolutely one hundred percent in love, and they would take their relationship today over their little flirtations forty years ago any day of the week.

I knew, listening to my future husband in that moment, that I was learning something new.  Something I’d never heard before, but that was absolutely true.  I had been raised to believe that love was about emotion, not experience.  That love was about affection and not comfort.  But I knew that he was right.  I knew that when he married me, his love would only increase over the next forty years.  That, in itself, was a lesson I have carried with me through more than twenty years of good times and bad. Through moments where we were so annoyed with each other that I looked forward to his going to work, and I’m sure he looked forward to going. But despite the space we needed to work out our frustrations, we both knew that the tension was only temporary. (Very Important Note: That realization in itself is enough to dissolve most issues before they have a chance to dig in.)

You will love your spouse more over time, not in spite of your problems, but because of them.  Because you, too will each know going into this mystery that is Christ’s love, that your commitment is for life. And it is by sharing this life’s struggles that you will help each other to the next.

The greatest means of accomplishing your goal? Without a doubt, remember always that this relationship must find it’s security in the Love of God, Himself. For without God’s grace, the selfishness bubbling within our hearts from the sin of our first parents leaves us helpless to offer ourselves as a perfect sacrifice.

And sacrifice is the key to a happy and long-lasting marriage.

Recently I heard a speaker mention the following exhortation, so I looked it up. Before Vatican II,  this exhortation was read at every Catholic wedding. In those days, the priest did not take time in the Mass to offer a homily about the time he’d spent with the bride and groom, or make jokes about marriage preparation. Instead, he read the following. It is straightforward. It is a little scary (note how many times the word sacrifice is used). And it is A LOT beautiful.

Most importantly, it is true.

Exhortation Before Marriage
(All italics mine)

My dear friends: You are about to enter upon a union which is most sacred and most serious. It is most sacred, because established by God himself. By it, he gave to man a share in the greatest work of creation, the work of the continuation of the human race. And in this way he sanctified human love and enabled man and woman to help each other live as children of God, by sharing a common life under his fatherly care. Because God himself is thus its author, marriage is of its very nature a holy institution, requiring of those who enter into it a complete and unreserved giving of self. [But Christ our Lord added to the holiness of marriage an even deeper meaning and a higher beauty. He referred to the love of marriage to describe his own love for his Church, that is, for the people of God whom he redeemed by his own blood. And so he gave to Christians a new vision of what married life ought to be, a life of self- sacrificing love like his own. It is for this reason that his apostle, St. Paul, clearly states that marriage is now and for all time to be considered a great mystery, intimately bound up with the supernatural union of Christ and the Church, which union is also to be its pattern.]

This union, then, is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly influence your whole future, That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You know that these elements are mingled in every life, and are to be expected in your own. And so not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

Truly, then, these words are most serious. It is a beautiful tribute to your undoubted faith in each other, that recognizing their full import, you are, nevertheless, so willing and ready to pronounce them. And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life by the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common. Henceforth you will belong entirely to each other; you will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections. And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this mutual life, always make them generously. Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only love can make it easy, and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son, and the Son so loved us that he gave himself for our salvation. ” Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears.

The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting to your needs, he will pledge you the life-long support of his graces [in the Holy Sacrament which you are now going to receive].

God’s blessings upon you as you embark on this exciting journey together. Decades from now, may you look back on this time in your life and smile at the love you shared today, knowing that it has grown exponentially every day since. I can promise you that life will not always be easy. But in the profound words we just read, if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears.

In Christ,
A Fellow Traveler

 

 

Squatter’s Rights and LGBT Movements: How We Allowed Adverse Possession and What We Can do About it

When it comes to our relationship with the LGBT community, our efforts to refrain from making waves and avoid being labeled bigots have wrought (or at the very least contributed to) unimaginable cultural losses that may effect the world for generations to come.

Americans are livid. The Obama administration has taken the transgender bathroom issue by storm, issuing a 600px-Bathroom-gender-sign
directive  via the Departments of Justice and Education to all public school districts across the country, warning officials that transgender students should be allowed to use the restroom or locker room of the gender with which they identify, as opposed to their “sex assigned at birth” (their language, not mine) – or risk having the federal government withhold school funding. And by the way, making separate facilities available doesn’t count.

This is what happens, ladies and gentlemen, when we fail to stand up and declare the truth. When we sit back in fear of confrontation and refuse to speak the truth in love, we risk being violently overtaken in the public square.

In the world of pubic opinion, the faithful have completely lost the argument. But worse, when it counted, few of us showed up. Do you know what we have done? We have allowed something that in the real estate business is called adverse possession, otherwise known by the somewhat crass if visually descriptive term, squatter’s rights.

Let me explain. Say your neighbor lets you know he’s going to build a six foot fence around his property. In an act of good will, you give him your blessing and compliment his choice of building materials. A few days after he begins building, you notice that he has crossed the property line by a few feet. You know this because when you moved in several years ago, the lots were staked out, and you measured ten feet from the lot line so you could plant your garden. It’s not terrible, but you measure, and sure enough, your garden fence is only seven feet from your neighbor’s new construct. You’re in a tough spot. You don’t want to cause any friction or offend your neighbor, who has already begun building. In the end, rather than risk stirring up bad feelings, you let it go.

The problem is that you have not simply allowed your neighbor to build on your property. Five years later, when he moves, he will lay claim to that additional three feet. He will be hard pressed to believe he stepped out of bounds at that point, and the courts will agree. Unbeknownst to you, by your silence, you have ceded part of your property to your neighbor.

When it comes to our relationship with the LGBT community, our efforts to refrain from making waves and avoid being labeled bigots have wrought (or at the very least contributed to) unimaginable cultural losses that may effect the world for generations to come.

As Christians, we tend to be compassionate (contrary to the image we’ve been given in recent years). We know we are called to love. So rather than risk offending anyone, we let things go. After all, the entire LGBT community was comprised of a mere 2-3% of the population. There was a time when many of us didn’t even know someone who was gay or transgender, so we stayed out of the conversation. And if we did know someone, we knew they were good people and meant no harm to anyone – so we stayed silent.

In fact, if we did speak up, many of us (correctly) supported individuals who were mistreated in the name of sexual orientation, advocating love of neighbor as one of the greatest commandments. We thought, correctly, all human beings are deserving of respect (CCC 1700). But we held our tongues regarding the teaching of the Church on human sexuality. After all, we thought, who am I to tell others how to liveWhat they do in their own homes is between them and God. 

And that’s where we went wrong.

The fact is, average Americans have never wanted to address the moral argument. Because – hey – that would be judging. But by keeping the argument on purely legal terms – definition of marriage, a child’s right to two parents, and now, discomfort in the restroom – we have subtlety communicated that we didn’t believe the lifestyles of the LGBT community were immoral; we just didn’t want them to affect our way of life. (Because, after all, everyone knows the “greatest” commandment has become, “thou shalt not impose your morality on your neighbor.“)

Having failed to reasonably discuss the possibility that these individuals who are seeking equal status should actually be seeking help (it took me forever to type those words – I have been avoiding the discussion too), we have allowed enough time to pass that we have unwittingly allowed the LGBT community to advocate its position to the point that now, anyone who argues that there may be “disorder” involved with being gay or transgender is a bigot. Uneducated. A hater.

Cultural Shift

While we were hemming and hawing over how to avoid giving offense, the LGBT community has been busy making great inroads in the public square. In as little as 15 years, public opinion has done a complete 180. For example, in 2001, 57% of people in the general public opposed gay marriage. Today, even 58% of Catholics support it.

My goodness, the left has been completely indoctrinating the young right under our noses – using our tax dollars, no less! They have even convinced them that there is no such thing as truth (moral or even physical – watch this and this), while all this time we have been pussyfooting around, trying to find the courage to declare it.

Transgender rights are just the latest in a stream of efforts to overturn any semblance of traditional values. Pressure has been mounting at a steep rate. An issue that was little known six months ago has suddenly become a matter of civil rights. To say the trend is disturbing is an understatement. Just a couple of weeks ago (as mentioned in a previous post), an employee of a Catholic university was under investigation for a hate crime after stating that there are two genders.

When the state of North Carolina took a preemptive step in declaring by law that one must use the restroom of his biological gender (something that used to be common sense), the transgender bathroom issue came to a head. Outrage against the state has been palpable.

Then the federal government dove into the controversy, invoking Title 9 and involving the courts. North Carolina fought back. Livid, Obama, sensing a changing tide in public opinion, has thrown down the gauntlet, not only against North Carolina, but daring any state in the country to initiate similar legislation. In a massive overstep of intimidation, the administration has now drawn the big guns, using the power of the purse to threaten schools across the country.

So what now?

I read a quote recently that captures the current pulse of America today:

“Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant, then it tries to silence good.” — Archbishop Charles J. Chaput

So what can we do about it?

After we collectively pick our jaws off the floor, having been stunned by the sheer audacity of the federal government telling us that our daughters must share locker rooms with boys of the opposite sex, we must go back to the beginning.

The Church is first and foremost a mother and a teacher. A loving mother has compassion for her children. But it is out of that compassion that she teaches them the truth. We must, as Christ’s body, the Church, teach the truth about human sexuality.

In order to teach, we must be informed. It is not enough to know that God has a plan for marriage. For the family. As Catholics, we must know that plan. We must be able to articulate that plan.

We must live out that plan.

Truth is undeniable when light shines upon it.

There is nothing better to display the truth in an excellent light, than a clear and simple statement of facts. – Saint Benedict

Get Educated

Here are some resources that I plan to learn inside and out. Study them and see if they help you to better articulate a simple statement of facts:

  1. The Catechism
  2. Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (now Saint John Paul II) – what is truly meant by human sexuality
  3. Familiaris Consortio by Saint John Paul II – because what is most at stake in this discussion is the human family, which is the foundation of all of society
  4. Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love: God’s Plan for Love, Marriage, Intimacy, and the Family by Dietrich von Hildebrand
  5. Men, Women and the Mystery of Love: Practical Insights from John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility by Edward Sri
  6. Address to Roman Curia by Pope Benedict XVI, specifically addressing the dangers of the gender identity movement (and also commentary on it)
  7. Catholic Answers Resources:
    – Video: How do We Relate to People who Struggle with Sexual Identity
    – Article: Five Questions for Supporters of Gender Transitioning
    – Article: Bathroom Bill is Not Hateful Bigotry

7.  Popes and Catechism on Gender Theory

[Note: If you have other recommendations that are in line with the Magisterium, please offer them in the Comments section.]

What You Can Do Today

In the meantime, now is the time to take civil action. Force yourself to leave your comfort zone, step off the sidelines and get involved. Write your governorssenatorsrepresentatives, school boards, and anyone else of consequence, encouraging them to stand up to the administration. Texas and Arkansas have already said they refuse to comply. In a profound statement, Lt. Governor Dan Patrick of Texas asserted, “We will not be blackmailed by the president’s 30 pieces of silver.”

There is hope that a groundswell of public opinion summarily rejecting the administration’s reach will prove fruitful. Encourage your state not to give into political correctness.

[Note: If you have other ideas for civic action, please recommend them in the Comments section.] 

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