Vicki Burbach

Is Your Marriage Lacking a Certain Chemical Element?

Do you watch all the ads with the lovey dovey smiles and the flirtatious eyes, and try to remember what that felt like? Do you recall the giddiness of being young fresh and so in love that even folding socks together was fun?

Valentine’s Day is upon us again.

Do you watch all the ads with the lovey dovey smiles and the flirtatious eyes, and try to remember what that felt like? Do you recall the giddiness of being young and fresh and so in love that even folding socks together was fun? Where even an accidental touch was electrifying and you called your love 100 times a day just to hear his voice?

If we’re not careful, love can become like a favorite shirt thoughtlessly tossed into the bottom of a drawer. Over time we tend to pile other things on top of it, passing it over from day to day without even thinking until some random thought, word or action sparks a reminder, and we realize that something very special is missing.

When I was in my early twenties, I began a cross-stitch project that I was sure would be a permanent focal point on my wall. It was a huge, colorful piece of country folk art, and it would have been beautiful. Today, six kids and fifty million ideas later, that piece of art has long been abandoned to the wasteland of forgotten projects.

Recently, my daughters and I were digging through my sewing box to find notions for their latest crafts. Sure enough, they found that old piece of material with the beautiful, but unfinished cross-section of a town, all neatly stitched in bright, bold colors. The finished portion would probably fill a 9×13 frame. They were awestruck. “Mom! This was sooo beautiful! Why would you leave it in a box?! Why don’t you finish it? How could you just put this down and walk away?”

How to explain that things came up? That I was too busy holding babies, doing laundry and feeding kids? And as time passed, my obligations only became greater, running kids from here to there. Other goals. Other plans. I never intended to set it aside for good. In the beginning, I only put it away during a busy time in my life. But then along came something else. And pretty soon, it was relegated to an old sewing box as I focused on making new curtains, pillows and bedspreads for our first house. And then along came the children and there were the sports and the play dates and school. There was always something that kept me from picking up that project.

And now?

I’m no longer interested.

Sadly, many marriages end up in the predicament. Sometimes we cast them aside, with every intention of getting back to them “later,” when life calms down. But then things don’t calm down, and our marriage becomes faded and dingy, lacking the bright color and excitement it once had.

Has our love dwindled?

No.

It’s there; but it might be a little lethargic, perhaps suffering from a lack of oxygen.

It might do us good to breathe a little life back into our marriages – both body and soul.

While challenges in marriage can be complicated, the action of loving is not. Love is a verb. And we must take steps to love our spouses, no matter the condition of our relationship. A simple love offering can go a long way toward reviving that spark. Take some time this week to spend some special time together, sans distractions. And make that a habit. Talk. Listen. Pray together. Attend adoration together. And more than anything else, recognize the privilege you’ve been given by virtue of your sacred union.

There is no magic pill that will liven a marriage relationship. Love takes time. It takes sacrifice. And it takes commitment. Here are just six thoughts to keep in mind regarding this amazing sacrament that is marriage on this very special day. Perhaps contemplating the profound nature of your relationship will help to ignite the flame of desire and spark the passion of commitment:

You have been chosen and called, therefore, as husbands and wives to be for one another the living experiential sign and expression of God’s love by sharing with each other the gifts of uncompromising love, unconditional acceptance, ceaseless dedication, total fidelity, and untiring service. These are the signs of God’s love, and this is what makes God present in the Sacrament of Matrimony. — Dietrich von Hildebrand, Marriage: the Mystery of Faithful Love
How can I ever express the happiness of the marriage that is joined together by the church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels and ratified by the Father?!!! How wonderful the bond between two believers, with a single hope, a single desire, a single observance, a single service! They are both brethren and both fellow servants; there is no separation between them in spirit or flesh. In fact, they are truly two in one flesh, and where the flesh is one, one is the spirit. — Tertullian, quoted in Familiaris Consortio, by Pope John Paul II
The basic error of mankind has been to assume that only two are needed for love; you and me, or society and me, or humanity and me. Really it takes three: self, other selves, and God; you, and me, and God. Love of self without love of God is selfishness; love of neighbor without love of God embraces only those who are pleasing to us, not those who are hateful…Duality in love is extinction through the exhaustion of self-giving. Love is triune or it dies. —Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Three to Get Married, p. 43
In spousal love, the body of the beloved assumes a unique charm as the vessel of this person’s soul, and also as embodying in a unique way the general charm and attraction which femininity has for man, or virility has for woman. Spousal love aspires to the bodily union as a specific fulfillment of the total union, as a unique, deep, mutual self-donation. — Dietrich von Hildebrand, Man and Woman: Love and the Meaning of Intimacy, p. 47
Romance is almost sure to die; love, however, does not have to die with it. Love is meant to mature, and it can do so if that readiness for sacrifice implied in the original self-giving of marital consent is alive or can be activiated. The idea that true love is prepared for sacrifice strikes a chord that perhaps our preaching needs to touch on more. As Pope John Paul II says, “It’s natural for the human heart to accept demands, even difficult ones, in the name of love for an ideal, and above all in the name of love for a person.— Cormac Burke, Covenanted Happiness, pg. 24
Matrimony crushes selfishness, first of all, because it merges individuals into a corporate life in which neither lives for self but for the other; it crushes selfishness also because the very permanence of marriage is destructive of those fleeting infatuations, which are born with the moment and die with it; it destroys selfishness, furthermore, because the mutual love of husband and wife takes them out of themselves into the incarnation of their mutual love, their other selves, their children; and finally it narrows selfishness because the rearing of children demands sacrifice, without which, like unwatered flowers, they wilt and die.— Archbishop Fulton Sheen, The Cross and the Beatitudes, p. 41-42
Do not forget that true love sets no conditions. It does not calculate or complain, but simply loves. – Saint John Paul II, Jubilee of Youth

Guest-Post: Introducing Paula Zwenger

In marriage, those small blessings we can offer our spouse tend to go a long way. Paula Zwenger captures their beauty in her poem, “This Man of Mine”

Recently I came across a poem by Paula Zwenger that really speaks to the subject of sacrifice in a beautiful and inviting way – particularly as it pertains to the vocation of marriage. I wasted no time in asking if she would allow me to post it here. Thankfully she said yes – please enjoy her contribution below:

Easing Into the Ordinary

Who doesn’t love a good party – times when you gather with family and friends, partake of really delicious food, and wile away hours in fun and games? Perhaps you commemorate festivities by exchanging gifts, traditional mementos or souvenirs?

Life is full of reasons to rejoice. We make merry at birthday parties, graduations, or if good health and grace allow, high-number anniversaries in our vocations. We may travel different paths to arrive at our milestones, and express our thanksgiving in unique and creative ways based on our cultural traditions, but the logistics of our celebrations hold a few things in common.

Each one starts with preparation, building anticipation proportionate to the length and importance of the feast. Do you need to choose and send invitations? Are out-of-town guests expected? Where will they stay? Who plans and executes the menus for meals (don’t forget that Aunt Susan is allergic to nuts and Cousin Joe is diabetic)? Is special clothing required? Will there be a photographer? What about decorations? ‘To-do’ lists span columns or pages and require many hands to accomplish.

Finally . . . the ‘big day’ arrives! Everything goes off without a hitch (or not). You spend yourself in joy, creating memories to last a lifetime. You may even arrive at this day exhausted by your preparations, but still luxuriate in what goes right, and bask in the joy on faces of those around you. This is what life is about – the very feasts that help make life worth living. Gratitude is simple to attain and acclaim in the midst of such blessing!

Then . . . a new day dawns. The party is over. It’s now time for post-celebration clean-up and return to day to day living. No more dancing in the streets, or aisles, or banquet hall – now you roll up your sleeves and return to work.

As Catholics, our faith tradition provides us with a liturgical calendar of seasons which help to focus our prayers, thoughts and actions. We cherish the beauty of an extended Christmas season, which lasts far beyond the influences of secular society. Yet even with all the opportunity for special feasts and solemnities, we can wax nostalgic for the beauty of the crèche and stockings and beautifully lighted tree as it comes to a close.

In fact, in our house we’ve been known to ‘extend’ this season, as evidenced by holiday decorations, by as long as two weeks into Ordinary Time. If your family is anything like mine, everyone is excited to put up Christmas decorations, but no one is excited to take them down. The house looks a bit empty for awhile when the colors, lights, and precious heirlooms have been stowed away again for another year, out of sight.

This year, once again, I was dreading the chore of ringing out Christmas and ringing in ordinary time. My husband, Patrick, and I had talked on January 6^th, the traditional calendar date of Epiphany, about needing to take things down on the following Saturday (the day this poem arrived to be written).

That morning he, an early riser by nature, held to his usual schedule while I slept in. I was upstairs longer than usual, puttering around and reading online articles while listening to the local radio station, not looking forward to the chore ahead.

As it turns out, a plan beyond my own was already in motion. You might say I had a little ‘epiphany’ of my own about easing into the ordinary – which prompted the poem below.

This Man of Mine

I’ve never fully understood, not even ‘til today
how bonds we formed so long ago have blessed us both to stay
It’s got to be a gracing, giving strength beyond our own
that holds this love together all through choices we have grown
You take two different people and conjoin them up for life,
a model tried through centuries, this husband with his wife

He’s not given to praising and perfection’s not his game
but oh, he works in many ways at loving, just the same
Today, for instance, when I rose, ‘to-do’ list on my mind
I came downstairs with heavy sigh and what gift did I find?
The tree and lights, near put away (Epiphany now passed)
he did a chore I didn’t like without it being asked

Some frown at my believing and they wonder at my hope
yet every day, some way I’m blessed with gifts that help me cope
My answer is in trusting full that come good days or bad
this sacramental bonding tarries not as passing fad
It’s choice each morn on rising new to honor and to bless
in ways the other may not know, or ever even guess

I don’t pretend all answers in this riddle that we live
but time and time again it seems we get more when we give
I share with you if you are blue that times can turn around
not Pollyanna pandering but truth that I have found
I’ll write the blues when they appear but sunshine rays this day
right now it’s time to ‘walk my talk’ with no more word delay

I’ll find the chore that blesses him and makes for brighter day
I’ll love it into being and amend my past delays
When gratitude is lacking I will turn my heart to prayer
And offer even that to God who meets me in His care
There’s nothing that I cannot do when guided by His call
In loving you, in loving Him, whose mercy saves us all

——————————————————————————————

Paula Zwenger is a wife, mother, and grandmother who, upon finding herself an empty nester, tried on the hat of rhyme loving writer. It fitted very well. Her joy manifests completely while taking the ups and downs of life and wrangling them into poetry. She also has a passion for creating rhymed treasure hunts with a Catholic flare to celebrate the faith and learn a thing or two along the way. You can find her musings at RhymeLovingWriter.com.

The Real Value of Work

We learn through work that patience matters. That, eventually, given great effort day after day, year after year, we’ll see results. Through our experience in work, we can deduce that that progress in the spiritual life is slow, but that it will pay off. We learn that we don’t necessarily have to see the big picture in order to know it’s there.

Recently I heard some horrific statistics regarding young men and their participation in the work force. The host of a national radio program cited an article from The Washington Post that referred to recent research demonstrating a growing tend in America. Apparently, not only are about 20% of young men between 21-30 years of age out of work, but they aren’t too upset about it. Instead, they are finding satisfaction in video games, computers and television, while living in their parents’ basements. Most in this group have not held a job of any kind in at least a year. Staggering. As such, this is the first generation to feel no guilt about a virtual no-show in the work force, or about being dependent upon parents or the government dole.

While this news is shocking, the astute have been warning about this problem for the past several years. In Bill Bennet’s, The Book of Man, published in 2011, he quotes another author,

There is trouble with men today. For example, after studying today’s workforce data, author and commentator David Brooks observed that “in 1954, about 96 percent of American men between the ages of 25-54 worked. Today that number is around 80 percent. One-fifth of all men in their prime working ages are not getting up and going to work.”

There are many reasons for this change in society. Bennet, himself, cites video games, single parenthood, corrosive entertainment and a lack of religion, among other things.

Whatever the cause, I want to discuss one particular concern among the many overwhelming consequences this lack of discipline and drive among our young men will reap on their souls. One young man profiled in the Washington Post article – who holds an Associates Degree, by the way – had some words that should give us great pause:

“When I play a game, I know if I have a few hours I will be rewarded” he said. “With a job, it’s always been up in the air with the amount of work I put in and the reward.”

That quote got me thinking about the true value of work.

Of course, there are the obvious things. Work is necessary in a civil society, allowing us the ability to support ourselves and our families – as such it is often the conduit through which God provides our daily bread. Work is good for us both physically and intellectually. God called man to work, telling Adam, “in the sweat of your face you shall eat bread” (Genesis 3:19).

But what concerns me most is how much work provides for us spiritually, how perfectly our experience with work can reflect our spiritual journey, and how this disconnect with work is will result in an even greater disconnect with the spiritual in our young men.

Labor is a physical manifestation of the spiritual effort we must continue faithfully throughout our lives in order to obtain union with God.

Just as the carpenter must continue to hew the wood, patiently carving, hour upon hour, day by day, seeing the end product only in his mind’s eye, so too, we must continue to pursue heaven, trusting that, indeed, “no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for the who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Just as the bricklayer lays brick after brick, taking care to place each and every one exactly to plan, not seeing the end of his work, but only trusting in the plan of the architect, so we, too, must continue to pursue excellence with every step, trusting the architect of our lives to create something magnificent from the application of our best efforts to some of the most mundane tasks, day after day after day.

If the carpenter quits before seeing the final product, it will be forever hidden within the confines of the wood. In that case no one will ever see the beauty hidden within. And the wood will never realize its intended end.

If the brick layer allows himself to get tired on the job, his work will be sloppy, and his building will not be up to par. The plan may have been correct, but the brick-layer’s carelessness will cause problems for him, for anyone who works beside him, or anyone who plans to use that building that he so carelessly built. We, too, must apply the utmost care every step of the way, for our work affects those around us in ways we may never witness.

In our vocations as fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, priests, consecrated singles and others, we must not simply plod along, but rather work with passion and purpose – and great care – from hour to hour, day to day. Never mind the monotony; never mind the challenges; never mind the tiresome little crosses we must bear.

We learn these things through a consistent experience with work. Not necessarily paid work. As a stay-at-home mom, I certainly see the connection between my work life and my spiritual life. I toil day after day, trusting in God’s plan for my children. I see glimpses here and there, but so often as a mother, I am tempted to throw my hands up at what appears to be the futility of the work. I’ll never be able to do this job right. This is too much. It is too thankless. It will never be finished. Too often I fail to see the fruits of my labor.

No matter. I am only called to lay the bricks according to God’s plan. I must trust that He will work everything out for the best. Day after day, I must rejoice even in the mundane. I must bring my all to the job that, frankly, doesn’t always offer positive feedback. But there is one way that my experience differs from that of the bricklayer. The architect may not be standing alongside the bricklayer, assuring him and encouraging his progress. In our case, Christ is with us. He helps us to lay that brick. He applies the mortar so all our efforts build toward the finished product, which is the eternal happiness of heaven for ourselves and our families.

If we ignore the architect, if we lose faith in the finished product, if we try to follow our own plans, we will look back and wish we would have paid closer attention, that we would not have trudged along with such half-baked effort. For our lives will be scarred reflections of our own sloppiness, our lack of patience, diligence and discipline.

Ultimately, work gives us evidence in the physical realm of what religion can do for us in the spiritual realm. According to Saint John Paul II,

(9) Work is a good thing for man-a good thing for his humanity-because through work man not only transforms nature, adapting it to his own needs, but he also achieves fulfilment as a human being and indeed, in a sense, becomes “more a human being”. – Laborem Exercens

To the extent that our young men are not “achieving fulfillment” as human beings, we cannot possibly achieve fulfillment as a society.

Even more importantly, if we do not teach our young men to have patience to perform a good job in pursuit of long-term satisfaction on earth, how will they ever be able to pursue the long-term satisfaction of heaven? If the immediate feedback from a video game trumps the long-term satisfaction of a job well-done, how will they ever be willing to do the work necessary on earth now, that one day they might hear these glorious words from heaven:

Well done, my good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your master.”

The Unholy Family

Most of us were born into an unholy family. Actually, that family – unholy as it may be – is the best way for each of us to make our way in this world, the greatest vehicle known to man for our sanctification.

What do you get when two fallen people fall in love and commit to spending the rest of their lives together, struggling through this thing called life, climbing, stumbling, and climbing again; pulling each other up when we fall, sometimes tripping over each other along the way?

You get the precious seed of a holy family.

Your marriage may not be perfect. No worries. So long as you remain committed through the ups and downs and ins and outs of your relationship. Because the commitment itself will provide you both with the room you need for that seed to take root and germinate.

Marriage gives love the structure, the shelteredness, the climate in which alone it can grow. Marriage teaches spouses humility and makes them realize that the human person is a very poor lover. Much as we long to love and be loved, we repeatedly fall short and desperately need help. We must bind ourselves through sacred vows so that the bond will grant our love the strength necessary to face the tempest-tossed sea of our human condition. – Dietrich von Hildebrand, Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love

And what do you get when those two people give themselves completely -at least to the extent that two fallen human beings can give themselves – to one another in love?

This is when love can produce life, and through this act that delicate greenery breaks the surface of the ground, growing more beautiful by the day through the waters of baptism, the nutrients of love and sacrifice provided daily by the parents, with the light of Christ shining down from above in grace and mercy.

This is when you get a family.

You may be thinking, My family doesn’t come close to that image. When you look at your family, you may be discouraged by what you consider to be an infestation of individualism and idiosyncrasies. No one seems on the same page at the same time and polar opposites can be found in every corner. You may be worried that your family may never blossom.

Yours may not be a holy family.

In fact, yours may be an unholy family.

That’s OK.

The modern writers who have suggested, in a more or less open manner, that the family is a bad institution, have generally confined themselves to suggesting, with much sharpness, bitterness, or pathos, that perhaps the family is not always very congenial. Of course the family is a good institution because it is uncongenial…

…The best way that a man could test his readiness to encounter the common variety of mankind would be to climb down the chimney into any house at random, and get on as well as possible with the people inside. And that is essentially what each one of us did on the day he was born.

This is, indeed, the sublime and special romance of the family. It is romantic because it is a toss-up…

…When we step into the family, by the act of being born, we do step into a world which is incalculable, into a world which has its own laws, into a world which could do without us, into a world that we have not made. In other words, when we step into the family, we step into a fairytale. – G.K. Chesterton, On Certain Modern Writers and the Institution of the Family

But how, given the widely varied personalities involved in a family, the different values and goals, the wild adventures and the unknown outcomes, do we grow holy in that environment? How can we begin to turn in the same direction, linking arms as we walk through this vale of tears, climbing together to the summit of heaven?

We sacrifice.

We serve.

We let go.

We love.

(15) The human family, disunited by sin, is reconstituted in its unity by the redemptive power of the death and Resurrection of Christ.[37] Christian marriage, by participating in the salvific efficacy of this event, constitutes the natural setting in which the human person is introduced into the great family of the Church.

(21) Family communion can only be preserved and perfected through a great spirit of sacrifice. It requires, in fact, a ready and generous openness of each and all to understanding, to forbearance, to pardon, to reconciliation. There is no family that does not know how selfishness, discord, tension and conflict violently attack and at times mortally wound its own communion: hence there arise the many and varied forms of division in family life. But, at the same time, every family is called by the God of peace to have the joyous and renewing experience of “reconciliation,” that is, communion reestablished, unity restored. In particular, participation in the sacrament of Reconciliation and in the banquet of the one Body of Christ offers to the Christian family the grace and the responsibility of overcoming every division and of moving towards the fullness of communion willed by God, responding in this way to the ardent desire of the Lord: “that they may be one.” -Saint John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio

So we keep working. In our roles as parents, and in our roles as children, we sacrifice. We serve. We let go. We love.

And when we fall, we get back up and we begin again. Through reconciliation.

Through the life-giving love of the sacraments, the nutrients of our daily sacrifice, and by the grace-filled rays of Christ’s mercy, little by little, our families can become holy. That is when that tiny seed, planted in marriage, germinated in love to become a family, will begin to bloom. And the fragrance will intoxicate the world with its beauty.

But for now…

Face it. Your unholy family is the most amazing adventure you’ll ever find in this life. And the more wild the adventure and the higher the mountain you must climb together, the sweeter the victory when you reach the top.

Let us be grateful for our unholy families, and let us pray that we can unite ourselves to His Cross; that the Blood of Christ will wash away our sins, our pain and our tears along the way. Ultimately, may our families experience the joy of a love that is absolutely and completely self-giving, and together may we find the fruit of salvation through the embrace of the cross.

The Advent that almost Wasn’t.

Despite our best intentions, by their very force the material obligations of the Christmas season can push the more spiritual Advent activities aside.

Most of us aspire to lofty ideals during Advent:

“O, Lord, I anxiously await your coming and offer all that I am and all that I do for love of You, looking forward with all my heart to uniting myself to You in the celebration of your Incarnation.”

But often we fall somewhere between the ideal and the overwrought, overstressed, if not practical sentiment:

“Lord, could you just hurry up and come already, so we can get back to a regular routine?!”

And yet, who can blame us? Many of us already feel like we’re drowning, barely afloat amidst the trials, tribulations and regulations of every-day family life – getting little Joey to piano, Susie to violin, Harvard to debate practice and – in our case – homeschooling from morning till night, along with meal planning, grocery shopping, housekeeping and more. Then – every year around this time – here comes a great millstone of joy around our necks – otherwise known as Christmas lights strung from here to high heaven, perfectly appointed trees and wall to wall decor, shopping, hospitality, parties, family pictures, cards and letters, never-ending trips to the post office, planning, budgeting, charitable giving, baking and traveling. (Sometimes don’t you just want to curl up in your empty manger and hide from all the demands of boxes, bows and bounty until it’s all over?)

And after all the material traditions are said and done, we’re supposed to do what? Advent wreath? Candles? Special attention to Sacraments? Added Prayer? Sacrifice?

Sadly, despite our best intentions, by the inherent force of their nature, the material obligations of the season often push the more spiritual Advent activities aside. To the point where we look back around Gaudete Sunday and realize that all those candles and Jesse tree ornaments, prayers, extra Masses, rosaries and reflections have been lost along the road of good intentions, somehow caught up and blown away in the wind before we even realized they were gone.

At least that’s what happened to our family this year. And from the looks of all the beautiful houses and the over-the-top parties and show-stopping hospitality – where every dessert is perfection and the air is filled with the scent of pine needles and cranberries – I’m probably not the only one.

It seems that Advent has ceased to be about, well, ADVENT. Yes, it’s still about getting ready for Christmas.But it’s not about getting ready for Christmas. There is no time of year when the contrast between how we look on the outside and how prepared we are on the inside can feel more stark. Sometimes, with all the joy surrounding the exterior, the lack of attention I’ve paid to my interior life is that much more highlighted for me. I begin to wonder if I’m not one of those “whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within they are full of dead man’s bones and all uncleanness” (Matt. 23:27-28). Maybe it’s not that bad; but often it comes pretty close.

This is particularly the time when we should shed all the excess and train our eyes on heaven. On the things that really matter. Instead, every year the celebrations get earlier and earlier; the bar gets higher and higher; the obligations pile on and on.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Unlike Lent, which lends itself to reflection and sacrifice, coming as it does before Spring and at the end of the long, drawn out quiet of winter, Advent is often glossed over by all the demands of the season.

What is the solution? And when I say “solution” I mean “practical solution.” Because chances are, all the obligations are not going to go away. Sure, we can disband everything that is not necessary; but for most of us, many of these traditions are here to stay. Try as we might, we’re still going to have decorations, get-togethers with extended family and friends, family pictures, Christmas cards, shopping and the like.

Yet, Christ is still calling. Whether we listen or not.

In our home, we have always had two Advent traditions. Every morning we read the stories of salvation history and place our special Jesse Tree ornaments on the Tree. Every evening we light a candle on the Advent wreath and read from one of Arnold Ytreeide’s Advent books.

But not this year.

Somehow what we used to think were crazy Christmas schedules for us as a family have multiplied into several crazy Christmas schedules – one for the family, and separate ones for each of our three teens, who all have their own Christmas obligations, whether through school, work, youth groups, or other affiliation. With everyone running around we’ve not been able to schedule “family time” for much of anything. In fact, this year I hadn’t even found our Jesse Tree ornaments until a few days ago. And that was only because I’d had a huge awakening.

On Gaudete Sunday, it occurred to me that Advent is half over. I was shocked to realize that through the first two weeks of Advent, we had yet to light a single candle. My youngest children have had no reference to Advent other than the pink and purple candles sitting front and center in Church, or the words we speak at prayer time or during open discussions around the table. Other than random moments, there has been no effort – organized anyway – to help them prepare their hearts and minds for Christ.

It actually hit me that perhaps we should just give it up this year. Why not just get ready for Christmas and give Advent another try next year? I mean, what else can we do when the demands of the world won’t STOP?

But something about that idea just didn’t feel right. After all, what is all this “stuff” for, anyway? If we give up, aren’t we just releasing the most important if least demanding Person of the season? The One quietly waiting to gain our attention? Can I actually look myself in the mirror if my solution to the busyness of the season is just to put away the Advent candles and save my prayers for less demanding times?

No, I can’t.

So I looked at the calendar. Realizing we still had ten days left, tonight, we took action.

My husband pulled out the wreath and the kids lit the candles. One teen was at work; another was somewhere studying for a test. But four kids sat around the table and gazed at the three candles flickering before them.

Tonight, we spent time reflecting on the story of salvation history. We talked about the creation and the fall; We read about how Christ represents the Second Adam. How Mary is the new Eve. In brief passages, we read about God’s covenant with Noah; with Abraham. We placed our Jesse tree ornaments on the Christmas tree. Not the second tree we normally put in the classroom, but the family tree. And we didn’t read the Advent book we normally read; we focused on the story of salvation. In other words, we changed things up a bit in the interest of time. But that’s OK.

We gathered. And we read together. And those teens who weren’t around? They noticed the Advent wreath on the table when they returned. They may not have been a part of the conversation, but they remained part of the tradition. The reminder brought back all the years they had sat around the Advent wreath. They noticed.

For the next ten days, our family may not STOP. But we are going to PAUSE. If not twice a day, at least once. We’ve found the wreath; we’ve found the ornaments. We’ve made time for the sacrament of Confession. We are moving forward.

Our Advent may be brief. It may not be perfect. It may be missing some piece that would be “just the thing.” But it will be Advent nonetheless.

It will be a PAUSE.

And that PAUSE will matter.

Because that PAUSE will allow us to put all the other “stuff” into perspective. Rather than wait for the “perfect” opportunity to pull out the Advent wreath or the Jesse tree ornaments, we will schedule time each day – the same time. No matter that one family member is at work or another out with friends. Anyone home will be invited to participate. But if we wait for everyone to be ready, we’ll never be ready. If we wait for all the stars to align and the the time to be right, they will never be right.

We’ve lit our candles. And we plan to keep lighting them. Until the moment comes when we get to meet the bridegroom (Matt. 25:1).

The Advent that almost wasn’t…is here.

My Exciting Pre-Announcement and Why You Haven’t Heard From Me Lately!!!

Not merely another book to read, How to Read Your Way to Heaven is designed to be an invaluable tool for guiding and organizing your reading to help you on your journey to become a saint.

Lately I have been off-line. I have had insights and inquiries I wanted to discuss with you; but instead I have used any time on my computer to put the final touches on my latest project. In that regard, and in the interest of the delicate balancing act that is the life of a mother, I have neglected the youngest of my children. Yes, I consider this blog to be my infant child – barely a year old, it has been left to flounder for most of the past two months. Between preparing for holidays and finishing other projects, our conversation about sacrifice has been left on the back burner. Sacrificed, so to speak.

So what’s been taking so much time that I couldn’t spare a minute to check in here and there?

Well, I’m pleased to announce that my first book just went to the printer!!! How to Read Your Way to Heaven is available for pre-order and will be formally released by Sophia Institute Press on January 26th!

That’s right! I’ve spent the last month or two plugging away at small details here and there, hoping to make this a spiritual reading program well worth your time and energy. And, while I am humbled by the opportunity to pull this together, I must say, I do think it has turned out to be quite a valuable resource.

From the back of the book:

Wouldn’t it be great if we really could read our way to heaven?

Many of us commit to some form of spiritual reading, but we find that our book choices are sporadic and often based on a whim rather than following a purposeful plan. Designed for individual or group settings, How to Read Your Way to Heaven will guide your quest to delve deeper into a relationship with Christ by meditating on the written word while organizing your reading around the four pillars of the Catholic Faith – the Creed, the sacraments, morality and prayer.

Not merely another book to read, How to Read Your Way to Heaven is designed to be an invaluable tool for guiding and organizing your reading to help you on your journey to become a saint.

Following this plan, you’ll meditate daily on Sacred Scripture and read the entirety of the Catechism over the course of the program. You’ll be introduced to a treasure trove of the greatest Catholic books ever written, and you’ll learn prayerful reading methods such as lectio divina and find time-tested advice on where and when to read.

A couple of additional notes:

This book is an integrated 1-,3- or 5-year spiritual reading program, complete with a checklist, specific assignments and a magnificent book list that is fully in line with the Magisterium of the Church.
A sample page from the reading program:

Daily assignments include brief readings from Sacred Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church and some of the greatest Catholic books ever written. Readings generally take 15-30 minutes per day, or can be split between two days, if time is limited. The program is completely adaptable to the schedule of each individual reader.
The four pillars of the Catholic Faith as described in the Catechism of the Catholic Church are the foundation on which this reading program is built: What we believe (Profession of Faith); liturgy and the sacraments (Celebration of the Christian Mystery); life of Christ; prayer.
SO excited about this one – We asked Catholics to whom many of us look for wisdom, guidance or support on our spiritual journeys to share their favorite books from each of the four pillars of Faith. Many responded. We have recommendations from Dr. Peter Kreeft, Jennifer Fulwiler, Mike Aquilina, Fr. Mike Schmitz, Fr. Timothy Gallagher, Tim Staples, Trent Horn, Jason Evert and many others. Additionally, we included Fr. C. John McCloskey’s Catholic Lifetime Reading List, which includes over 100 books for your spiritual reading pleasure and enlightenment.
Hundreds of quotes by saints and other great and holy minds are sprinkled throughout the text for your meditation and contemplation on each of the four pillars.
The main text includes the story of my spiritual reading journey as a Catholic convert, including five things I’ve learned about spiritual reading, and why it should play a critical role in our lives as Catholics.

I’m so excited to share this resource with you! I hope you’ll check it out and let me know what you think!!!

The Implacable Power of the WILL

Of all the lies being told by the world, perhaps the most dangerous are those that seek to convince us that will power is a myth. For upon our will depends our cooperation with the grace of the Good Lord in procuring our salvation.

Let’s talk about will power. What exactly is it, you might ask? Most of us know in our gut what it is. But for the purposes of this discussion, I looked up the definition:

According to Webster’s Dictionary, will power is the ability to control yourself : strong determination that allows you to do something difficult.

According to psychologists, will power consists of the following:

The ability to delay gratification, resisting short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.

The capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling or impulse.

The ability to employ a “cool” cognitive system of behavior rather than a “hot” emotional system.

Conscious, effortful regulation of the self by the self.

A limited resource capable of being depleted.

Of late, our culture seems to reject the very notion of the will. Everywhere we turn, comments and references treat human beings as mere animals, with little but base instincts, as opposed to persons, each endowed with a will formed in the image and likeness of God.

Of all the lies being told by the world, perhaps the most dangerous are those that seek to convince us that will power is a myth. For upon the will depends our cooperation with the grace of our Good Lord in procuring our salvation.

But the lies persist nonetheless; just take a look at these excerpts from an article originally published in the The Roanoke Times, which refers to studies which denounce the very notion of will power:

Parents, teachers, coaches and ill-tempered sergeants had insisted that the disciplined exertion of willpower against the baser temptations of sloth, gluttony and other moral frailties was essential to building sufficient character to overcome most adversity. What adversity couldn’t be overcome should at least be borne with a modicum of quiet longsuffering, if not grace. Imagine my relief to read of the scientific evidence that willpower is really a myth, especially as it relates to such primal endeavors as dieting. A number of psychologists around the country consider the entire notion of willpower to be just another artifact of quaint but misguided folklore…

In other words, if you keep raiding the refrigerator every night for six extra scoops of megachocolate ice cream, you’re not a pathetic, undisciplined, weak-willed glutton. You’re merely cooperating with the brain-chemical imperative as nature intended. You can’t help it. The chemicals made you do it.

The above is about as blatant as messages come. But there have been subtle messages going on for decades. And they are severely affecting private behavior as well as public policy. Case in point: How long have advocates been insisting that birth control be made readily available in the schools? Kids are going to do what kids are going to do; they don’t have any self-control – the least we can do is help them be prepared… (Arguably, students have lived up to expectations).

Then there are seemingly innocent memes like the following:

Very cute; definitely funny; but is this the message that we should be sharing en mass on social media? And yet, countless are passed along day in and day out.

Examples abound. I’m sure you could add several to the few I’ve offered here. Regardless, the result of both subtle and not-so-subtle messages about the weakness of the will has been absolutely destructive. What one might call a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just think of a few statistics:

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), more than a third of the adults in the U.S. suffer from obesity (36.5%). This number is up 10% since 2012 (26.2%).

Ashley Madison, a website that “caters to married people looking for an affair” boasts a client list of 37,000,000. (Not a typo – that’s 37 million people that have registered with this web site!)
One in three Americans has absolutely no retirement savings (Time Magazine).
As of May 2016, consumer debt reached a whopping $3.6 trillion.

And in the world of religion,

According to Pew Research, across our nation, the number of people who pray and attend religious services consistently has dropped 3% across the board since 2007. And younger people observe religious practices significantly less than older populations.

On a more personal note, another Pew Research report shows that people are leaving the Catholic Church in droves – there are three million fewer Catholics today than in 2007 – could this have something to do with the notion that, unlike other Faiths, the will – particularly uniting our will to that of God – plays a key role in the in the teaching of the Catholic Church?

People point to this or that reason for declining participation in Christian churches, but isn’t there likely a huge correlation between the lack of interest in the area of religion and the decrease in control of our baser desires? And my point here is not that one has caused the other; but perhaps all areas have been driven by the deeper message that we’ve been hearing in the world – that we cannot control ourselves; whether eating, drinking, smoking, lust, language – you name it – we are destined to live with our own powerlessness, and must simply go along for the ride, despite that fact that both we and our progeny must find ways to cope with the devastation left in our wake.

What a tragedy.

God gave us free will out of respect and generosity, allowing us the opportunity to choose Him, rather than forcing our allegiance to a Supreme Being through His almighty power. That choice is not a momentary decision, but rather countless daily, even moment by moment decisions to grow in love and virtue; to participate in prayer and the sacraments, cooperating with the grace of God to become better versions of ourselves.

And those choices? Made every moment of our lives? They can only be made through continual acts of The Will.

It is often said that the devil’s greatest coup would be to convince the world that he doesn’t exist. That may be true. But his second greatest coup?

Could it be to convince you that you are helpless?

To make you believe that, in this moment, you cannot put down that doughnut. You will never lose that last ten pounds. You cannot limit your coffee intake to one cup a day. You cannot succeed long-term with an exercise routine. You cannot control that temper. You cannot resist that affair. You cannot afford to save for retirement. You cannot find the time to attend Mass today. You are too busy to pray the rosary. In fact, prayer in general is just too difficult. And the idea of making voluntary Sacrifices – are you kidding me?!

But these are all lies, lies, lies. The truth is that your will is in tact. In fact, according to Archbishop Fulton Sheen, it is the only thing you have that is truly yours:

There is only one thing in the world that is definitely and absolutely your own, and that is your will. Health, power, possessions and honor can all be snatched from you, but your will is irrevocably your own, even in hell. Hence, nothing really matters in life, except what you do with your will. — Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Seven Words of Jesus and Mary, p. 25

Despite what the media says, despite what the “professionals” in the world of psychology say, regardless of what your best friend tells you,

you can put down that doughnut. You can lose that last ten pounds. You can limit your consumption. You can find time to exercise today. You can control you temper. You can resist that affair. You can save for retirement. You can find time to pray. You can grow in virtue. You can become a saint!

In order to obtain heaven, two ingredients are required:

God’s grace.
Your will.

The world has done a great job of convincing us that neither exists.

But the world is wrong.

But my will is weak, you say. Yes. I’m sure it is. There is only One Perfect Will. And while we share in God’s image, our fallen nature, like a leaden weight, seems destined to keep us from soaring to great heights. But your will is there. And God’s grace is the chisel that will cut away the lead; for through Him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). And His power is made perfect in weakness (1 Corinthians 9).

By convincing us to disengage the will from our decisions, as opposed to actively directing the “self” toward the good, the devil has triumphantly succeeded in weakening it, if not destroying it altogether. (Ever heard the phrase, “use it or lose it“?) But just as not exercising the will causes it to become listless and weak, stepping up to the plate and engaging the will, even in small ways, will strengthen it. We can strengthen the will by actively pursuing good, and by developing habits and relationships that reinforce that pursuit and encourage us in our progress.

Freedom makes man responsible for his acts to the extent that they are voluntary. Progress in virtue, knowledge of the good, and ascesis enhance the mastery of the will over its acts. (CCC #1734) (emphasis mine)

The will plays a pivotal role in both our physical and spiritual lives. Do not believe the lies. Not only does your health depend on your ability to see the lies for what they are; your salvation depends upon it as well. For how can you unite your will to God’s if you believe you have no power to do so? God is faithful. He has provided us with everything we need in order to pursue sanctity. And the gift of the will is a necessary component:

God does not require of us the martyrdom of the body; He requires only the martyrdom of the heart and the will. — St. John Vianney

Artwork: Cupid Overcoming Pan by David Teniers the Younger (1610-1690)

5 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Raising Catholic Children

Like all parents, there are several things I wish someone had told me when I began parenting. I’m learning little by little; but perhaps some of my experiences might help those who are just getting started with little ones before they, too, look up and realize their time and influence may be fleeting.

Our oldest son is a senior year in high school this year. This is an exciting time for him. But as parents, we count the days we have left with him before he leaves for

college. The next two kids won’t be far behind – in less than five years, half our children will have graduated from high school.

This time in our lives has been the impetus to much reminiscing on my part.

Like all parents, there are several things I wish someone had told me when I began parenting. Particularly about how to raise kids who leave our home with a desire and will to follow Christ in their thoughts, words and deeds. I’m learning little by little; but perhaps some of my ups and downs might help those who are just getting started with little ones before they, too, look up and realize their time and influence may be fleeting.

The advice may be worth what you pay for it; but here are my top five tips to parents with little ones:

1. Don’t be so paranoid.

We kept our kids from things like Pokemon and from Harry Potter, etc. because I’d seen all the questionable articles. I wanted to play it safe. (I say “I” because my husband would have been a little more laid back about these things.) A few months ago, our family went out for ice cream, and the shop we were in was showing Harry Potter on TV (why there was a TV in an ice cream joint is a discussion for another time:)). My teens joked at the time about how I never let them read or watch anything when they were young; shortly thereafter, my 17-year-old read all the Harry Potter books. He said they were pretty good. Not worth all the hype, but enjoyable. I don’t remember what all the fuss was about years ago, but I’ve seen no repercussions thus far. And he’s already moved on to other things.

Shortly thereafter, Pokemon Go became all the rage. My boys were right in the middle of it all (I’ve lightened up in my “old” age). But their interest faded within a week and they’ve both moved on in this area as well.

When my kids were little, I drove myself crazy trying to make sure they weren’t involved in anything that might make them stray from the Faith or might lead to other dangers. BUT… I knew other moms who let their kids do plenty of things that I restricted (within reason) and their kids grew out of them almost as soon as they tried them. Now those kids are well-adjusted and seem to make good decisions where they count.

Not only have I noticed that a little bit of gentle “openness” on the part of moms doesn’t seem to have harmed their kids, I’ve also learned that a more anxious approach to the world can have damaging effects that I hadn’t anticipated.

Case in point, I think my oldest especially (17), but to a certain extent my second too (15), have sort of written me off as “paranoid” and not particularly the voice of reason about things related to the culture. They haven’t been disrespectful about it, but I’m definitely getting that vibe.

Not only am I not their “go-to” person regarding cultural issues, but I don’t know whether I’ve really prepared my older kids to confront the “big” issues they will face in the world. Are they capable of discerning right from wrong on their own? Of saying “no” themselves when all their friends are saying “yes”? I hope they’re ready, but I am beginning to second-guess my original strategy.

While second-guessing myself does me no good, I have to say that I wish I had been relaxed about more things when my kids were younger. Even when I didn’t let them do things, I wish I would have been more “sneaky” about it – redirecting instead of saying “no.” (Lest you think that “no” is the problem – I did substitute the things I wouldn’t let them do with positive things. But they remember the “no”s.)

If we do our best to completely control their environment for them when they are young, when are we teaching our children to use their own judgement? In my case, I taught my kids right from wrong, but when kids are young and mom controls the environment – with a penchant for the word “NO”- is she helping them to check things out and discern for themselves when the stakes are low so that they can make good decisions when they are high? But the stakes are high, you might say. Yes, I always thought they were high, too. In my mind, they were high for everything from books to movies to shows to video games to friends to school to (insert issue here).

However, now they really are high. Driving, alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, etc. And while my kids have yet to fall in those areas (at least to my knowledge), if they do come across challenges, I don’t know that I’ll be the first one they turn to for advice, frankly because they may be worried about my reaction. Additionally, I sometimes wonder if by making everything a big deal, I’ve made nothing a big deal – in other words, is it possible that my dependability for insight has been watered down? Am I the mom who cried “wolf” one too many times?

Bottom line – if my eight-year-old brought home a Pokemon card (or some other questionable toy or game) from a neighbor today, I would treat it no differently than any other toy (granted, there are exceptions to this rule; e.g. Ouija Board.) And I’m sure it would disappear within a day or two. If it didn’t, I would probably use the same technique they recommend for toddlers – get rid of the card when he wasn’t looking and then redirect his attention to something fun and good, without using the word “no”.

2. Help more; require less.

Let me preface this commentary by saying that my parents are both retired military, with over 20 years of service each. That should give you some understanding of my own upbringing. Needless to say, when my older kids were little, I had chore charts, responsibilities and expectations. I wanted to raise independent children who could do for themselves. When I dropped them off with a babysitter, they waved goodbye and ran to play. (I was put off by those little kids in play groups who wouldn’t let go of their mothers’ legs. I thought MY kids would never do that.) The first three could all read at age three – no lie. They were capable and very independent. When they asked for help, if I had taught them the task in the past and I knew they could do it, I would explain that they needed to do it themselves.

Perhaps you can already see the problem with that angle.

While I may have taught my older kids a great sense of independence and a strong work ethic, did I model a sense of compassion or a helpful spirit? Thankfully, some of my kids are naturally helpful. But in some cases they do not bend over backwards to help siblings, and frankly, with my expectation that they do for themselves, I may have failed to teach by example in that area. They all help if I ask. And they’ll do any chores required of them. But ideally, they would all help when not asked. They would look for places to serve (whether at home or in the world). And they would be joyfully willing to help when asked by a sibling (I’m treading on thin ice here, because there are times when they all serve and some of them always serve). But I have a feeling I could have better cultivated a sense of service and cooperation, and am trying to make up for it now. By the way – on a selfish note – all those kids I knew who were so attached and needy of their mothers when they were young? They are still attached, if not needy. That concept is awfully attractive to a mother with a senior who can’t wait to become an independent entity. He is capable of taking care of himself and more than excited about demonstrating his ability. We are definitely proud of his accomplishments. But right now, I’d give anything for a little attachment🙂.

3. Make family time FUN.

When my kids were younger, we celebrated what we called “Family Fun Night” every Friday. I planned various activities, whether a craft, bike ride, board game, or what our family calls “Tickle Monster.” Those nights are some of the best memories our family share together. But as the family grew and the age gap from top to bottom widened, I took my foot off the gas. Partly because I was busy and tired. The last thing I wanted to do every Friday was plan family entertainment on top of an over-scheduled week. Family Fun Night morphed into movie night – easy and low stress – which in the grand scheme of things, has not produced many memories. Movies run together in our minds and there is little family interaction when everyone hangs out with their eyes glued to the television.

My advice? Keep the FUN in Family Fun Night. You’ll never regret it. If necessary, let something else go. If you don’t, you’ll have teens who find friends more important than movies and going out more important than staying in. Movies don’t strengthen relationships. Laying out blankets in the grass and counting the stars – does. Serving finger food in various shapes for dinner and having everyone make pictures with their food – does. Hanging out around a campfire and roasting marshmallows – does. And even if you argue that those things still won’t entice the teens – they may and they may not. It depends on the teen. But even if they don’t, the older kids will be able to reminisce on great memories when they walk in on the fun, and they may just surprise you and join in.

And what does family fun time have to do with Faith? As a Domestic Church, the family is a child’s first and most important contact with God and with Godliness. Is there anything more attractive and inspiring than joy?

4. Place God at the center in action – not just word. He is a Person, not a belief system.

I remember listening to an atheist professor in college. He told us some crazy things. Among them, he said that Christianity was created to suppress the poor, and that the rich pooled the New Testament to encourage sacrifice as a “virtue” among the downtrodden.

Having very little foundation in Christianity, what that professor said seemed reasonable to me. I hadn’t been to church much growing up. So I was tempted to take him at his word. After all, he had the PhD. But I thank God nearly every day for the two students in our class who questioned his theories. They were certain and confident that what he was saying was wrong. They weren’t argumentative. They weren’t disrespectful. But they asked questions that pointed out the irrational nature of his conclusions. I was amazed. I remember thinking as I sat there, “I wish I had their faith. Even if believing in God is only a crutch, I want that crutch.”

Years later when I converted to Catholicism, I was determined that my children would not only know what to believe, but they would know why they believed, like those college students years before. Whatever happened, I did not want them to doubt. I wanted them to KNOW, as I finally know, that Christ is The Way. So I talked to them early and often. I read to them. I catechized them.

But now that our influence over our older kids wanes and our days together dwindle, I often wonder – have I shown them?

Have I been joyful?

Have I been at peace?

Have I been generous?

Have I loved?

I taught my kids plenty of prayers; and I taught them frequent participation in the sacraments; but did I teach them to know Jesus as their best friend? Have I demonstrated that He is mine?

My oldest knows all the right words to say. He knows what we believe and why we believe it. (And that’s one thing I wouldn’t change – so if you are leaving the catechesis of your children to Mass attendance or to their religious education class, then I’d add an additional tip — make sure your children know their Faith. You are their first educator; their faith is too important to leave to chance.) But when my son gets out in the world and is tempted to turn away, the choice to remain faithful will be easier to make if he feels that he is being faithful to a Person, a Friend. Have I properly introduced him to that Friend; and have I helped to cultivate a lifelong friendship? Or have I been so focused on the What and the Why, that I neglected the Who?

DO teach your kids to KNOW. But make sure you imbue them with a knowledge of the heart, not merely a knowledge of the head.

5. Remember that No family is perfect but YOU are Perfect for Your family.

I know this is an obvious point in theory; but often our emotions don’t follow the obvious. I spent years thinking that everyone else knew more than I did about how to be a good parent. There are times I’ve actually asked God, “Why did you give Child X to me instead of to that person over there?” Not because I was frustrated with my child, but because I felt the virtue I saw in another person would lead my child to holiness a lot faster than my vices would. But the truth is that we all see the challenges and the sin in our own home and wonder what we are doing wrong.

The older I get, the more I realize that we are all learning how to be parents. Your weakness may be another parent’s strength. But other parents are watching your family and wishing for the strengths they see in you. We are all fallen creatures. There is no perfect family. (For more thoughts on that subject, read here.) God has a plan for your family. There is no home in the world that will contribute to the sanctity of your children like yours. God wants them in heaven; but He has entrusted their souls to you. That is no mistake. Our Lord has great faith in your ability to seek His grace daily and to turn to Him when you fall. Thank goodness for that, because there is nothing like parenthood to bring you to your knees.

Parents’ Prayer for Their Children

O God the Father of mankind, who hast given unto me these my children, and committed them to my charge to bring them up for Thee, and to prepare them for eternal life: help me with Thy heavenly grace, that I may be able to fulfil this most sacred duty and stewardship. Teach me both what to give and what to withhold; when to reprove and when to forbear; make me to be gentle, yet firm; considerate and watchful; and deliver me equally from the weakness of indulgence, and the excess of severity; and grant that, both by word and example, I may be careful to lead them in the ways of wisdom and true piety, so that at last I may, with them, be admitted to the unspeakable joys of our true home in heaven, in the company of the blessed Angels and Saints. Amen.

O Heavenly Father, I commend my children to Thy care. Be Thou their God and Father; and mercifully supply whatever is lacking in me through frailty or negligence. Strengthen them to overcome the corruptions of the world, whether from within or without; and deliver them from the secret snares of the enemy. Pour Thy grace into their hearts, and strengthen and multiply in them the gifts of Thy Holy Spirit, that they may daily grow in grace and in knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; and so, faithfully serving Thee here, may come to rejoice in Thy presence hereafter. Amen.

(Prayer borrowed from Catholic Online)

Please Excuse My Absence

Friends,

I have noticed that readers continue to check in faithfully, week after week, only to find no new posts and no explanation. It occurred to me that perhaps I should comment on my absence.

I haven’t forgotten my blog. But the fact is that I have a huge deadline looming at the end of September. I am finalizing my first book, which is scheduled for release in February 2017. Exciting? Yes. Time consuming? Absolutely. More information to come as the release date gets closer.

In the meantime, please check out our book club at spiritualdirection.com, where we continue to read and comment on Life of Christ, by Archbishop Fulton Sheen.

Regarding Pelican’s Breast, I expect to resume our discussion on life and sacrifice in October. Please come back and chat again then!!

In Christ,
Vicki

So What Have You Been Reading this Summer?

Have you decreased your use of technology and increased your reading? If so, how’s it going and what have you been reading this summer?

Three months ago, I wrote a post about setting aside technology, turning off the television and sitting down with a good book. In that post, I invited you to come back on August 1, and chat about how that’s worked for you and what you’ve been reading this summer.

Well, here we are! Time sure flies, doesn’t it?!

On my end, I did turn off the media. Or at least I tried to avoid it, without deleting my apps or canceling my accounts (sort of like keeping that one credit card…for emergencies). And I was successful. At first. But of course, as a window left open the slightest bit will still allow the rain to seep through, sogging the carpets and rotting the wood, little by little my social media usage trickled back in, stealing my time and interrupting my productivity.

Thankfully I have been able to ward off the assault a good degree, using my time for productive activity, if not always for reading. But then, that’s what mothers do regardless, isn’t it – productive activity?

To be completely honest, I have probably read less so far this summer than I would in the same time period during the school year – summers seem conducive to crazy schedules and lots of driving (And before you recommend books on tape, I’ve done that, but great works like Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume probably don’t count. Or do they?

In the free time I’ve managed to thread amidst all the camps and other activities, I’ve been working on a project. I suppose I can confide in you at this point – I am in the process of wrapping up my first book. Shhhh. This is the first I’m mentioning this publicly, so please keep it on the down-low for now – although your prayers would be much appreciated. The fact of the matter is that suggesting a reading binge was probably pretty foolish of me this summer, considering the deadline for my book is in September. I don’t know when I thought I’d EVER be sitting around this summer.

Prayers, more prayers and fingers crossed – talk is that my book will be published for Lent 2017. What’s it about, you ask? Why, spiritual reading, of course! If you haven’t checked out our spiritual reading book club on spiritualdirection.com – please do! And keep your eyes and ears peeled around the first of the new year – hopefully I’ll have something to offer that will serve you through a lifetime of spiritual reading!

But back to the subject at hand – our Summer of reading…

I must admit I’m a bit embarrassed about my list. Not long. And for the most part not profound. Some of my books are the result of taking pictures of the popular books at Costco and reserving them at the library. That may be the first and last time I try something like that. For those who are interested, here’s what I’ve read thus far:

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah – OK. Not nearly as good as All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (both are novels set in WWII).

Night by Elie Wiesel – Elie Wiesel passsed away in July, prompting me to seek out this book. It was very moving. Sad. Unbelieveable. Unconscionable. And an absolute must-read.

Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll – A lot of crassness (is that a word?). Story got interesting, but I had to work to get there. A few suspenseful moments kept me going. Once I made it past the yuck, I had to finish the book, at which point the “yuck” became almost understandable.

Life of Christ by Archbishop Fulton Sheen; I’m on pg. 386 – still reading this magnificent book for our book club. It may just be one of my favorites. Lots of commentary about the Soviets, socialism and communism. Very apropos today.

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes – Had to read this to see where the author went. Another activist book that paves the way for assisted suicide being considered as compassionate and obvious as the notion of actually saving a life. Very sad. For more commentary on it, see this previous post.

Mother Angelica: Her Grand Silence by Raymond Arroyo – I found this book to be very good. I wrote a post on this one too.

The English Girl by Daniel Silva – I’m reading this now. Not my type of book. I need more literary stimulation. This one is all story and I just can’t get into it.

That’s it. The sum total of my literary adventures of Summer 2016.

Now it’s your turn! Have you decreased your use of technology and increased your reading? If so, how’s it going and what have you been reading this summer?

God bless you!!!!

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Easing Into the Ordinary

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1. Don’t be so paranoid.

2. Help more; require less.

3. Make family time FUN.

4. Place God at the center in action – not just word. He is a Person, not a belief system.

5. Remember that No family is perfect but YOU are Perfect for Your family.

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